Yes, I am confessing something that may make some of you look at me funny. That's OK. If you are a parent without sin, you have my blessing to throw stones at me. (If you aren't a parent, sorry, tough luck! Just read and learn what not to do!)
So, what is it that I'm trying to do/accomplish when I yell at my child(ren)?
Relieving stress? - probably
Showing a huge lack of self-control? - absolutely
Acting in a loving manner towards my daughter? - never
Showing her an earthly example of her heavenly father? - not a chance
Showing her how the man she's going to marry should treat her? - unfortunately, yes. But then I'll have to kill him. By the way, for you dads with sons, you are showing them how to treat their future wives which is no better. (If your son marries my daughter, you better hope you raised him better than that....)
How about, trying to teach her anything productive? - nope
That's the problem. I am teaching, but I'm not teaching anything I want her to learn. I'm teaching that this is normal, acceptable behavior. I am teaching her that any boyfriend or husband who yells at her is doing something normal. (I get red in the face just thinking about it.) What I'm NOT teaching her is: why it's not OK to lie, why being sassy is wrong, why irritating daddy is a bad idea....those things are all true, but those lessons are lost when I start yelling.
...I have also found that when I'm not yelling (like tonight's lying session) that I get more create in the discipline...that is, I find ways to teach her something from it instead of just reacting. I also found tonight that SHE knows that when I'm not yelling I get more creative and intentional in teaching her. She looks more worried instead of defiant. Not in a scared way, but in a "this is going to 'hurt'" sort of way. :o) That makes me feel good. then I know she's learning and learning the right things.
May God grant me (and you) the self-control to teach our children the lessons we want them to learn and not the lessons that our anger teaches them!!!
So, what is it that I'm trying to do/accomplish when I yell at my child(ren)?
Relieving stress? - probably
Showing a huge lack of self-control? - absolutely
Acting in a loving manner towards my daughter? - never
Showing her an earthly example of her heavenly father? - not a chance
Showing her how the man she's going to marry should treat her? - unfortunately, yes. But then I'll have to kill him. By the way, for you dads with sons, you are showing them how to treat their future wives which is no better. (If your son marries my daughter, you better hope you raised him better than that....)
How about, trying to teach her anything productive? - nope
That's the problem. I am teaching, but I'm not teaching anything I want her to learn. I'm teaching that this is normal, acceptable behavior. I am teaching her that any boyfriend or husband who yells at her is doing something normal. (I get red in the face just thinking about it.) What I'm NOT teaching her is: why it's not OK to lie, why being sassy is wrong, why irritating daddy is a bad idea....those things are all true, but those lessons are lost when I start yelling.
...I have also found that when I'm not yelling (like tonight's lying session) that I get more create in the discipline...that is, I find ways to teach her something from it instead of just reacting. I also found tonight that SHE knows that when I'm not yelling I get more creative and intentional in teaching her. She looks more worried instead of defiant. Not in a scared way, but in a "this is going to 'hurt'" sort of way. :o) That makes me feel good. then I know she's learning and learning the right things.
May God grant me (and you) the self-control to teach our children the lessons we want them to learn and not the lessons that our anger teaches them!!!
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