"Sexual addictions" or "Shhhhhhh. We don't talk about that..."

Why is it that statistics are out there that suggest that purity and sexual addictions (that covers a very broad range of things) are the #1 problem for men in this country and becoming a larger problem for more and more women...and yet we aren't talking about it?

Now, I know I don't talk about it in my workplace. I won't provide examples, but our culture has completely desensitized US to this issue. Not itself, but us. I mean, it has desensitized itself too, but Christians are alarmingly desensitized to the suggestive and sensual material that our culture is throwing at it's men and women on a daily (and sometimes constant) basis.

Here's what I really want to know. Where are our churches? I mean, really. Aren't the seasoned men, the ones in charge, on top of this issue and willing to fight for our youth? Aren't our pastors, deacons, elders (whichever title you use in your church) fighting to help make us more aware of the issue and empowering us through scientific understanding and Scripture to fight this fight?

I would first submit that some men are too ashamed. They know their own struggles and so they feel inadequate to the task of leading others to victory. I can respect that. However, if you are in a position of leadership in your church and that is you, can you not make sure people know that and FIND someone who CAN lead in this area....oh, and maybe get the same help and be led to victory???

It's not just our youth anyway. I'm 34. I have had men older than myself nodding in agreement about some of these issues...but we don't talk about it.

So, let me just say it here:

Substance addiction is hard and brutal. It leaves visible scars and takes a lot of time and pain to heal. Some people don't want help and some people end up dying for their addiction.

Behavioral addictions are different. (The following is thinking of sexual addictions, but many behavior addicts will understand.) No outer scars, but the ones on your soul can be just as damaging and the wounds that caused the scars take longer to heal. They are brutal on the person addicted and brutal on those who are being lied to by the addict. Many can't admit they are addicted for a very long time because there is no external evidence to allow others to help them see it. Many want help, but sometimes just end up wishing they were dead because they can't break their addictive behaviors.

I can tell from the lack of normal response on Facebook that this isn't a topic we want to talk about. But, guess what, it's out there and we should be talking about it.

So, let me end with a question. What is your church doing to educate, empower, and support those who have substance or behavior addictions? Do they have classes? Open conversations from the pulpit? Or is yours like mine and there is silence from the pulpit, not support from leadership, and men and women are struggling alone....which is a losing battle for addicts every time? - I mean this non-rhetorically. Respond here or on Facebook. What is your church doing?

The parable of the prince and the dragon.

Romans 7:19,21-25: For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep doing...So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Just Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with the flesh I serve the law of sin.

"Do you wish to be free from the dragon, my son?"
The Prince answered in despair, "I wished it many times, but there is no hope for me."
"Not alone," said the king. "You cannot win against the serpent alone."

Accountability? ...on a corporate level??

What is the point of accountability? When is it appropriate? I mean, I've only ever thought of accountability as 1:1. Today, however, I heard someone talking about a church's Covenant as a form of corporate accountability. The idea intrigued me.

...and got me thinking. Is it just me, or do we not talk about our spiritual health at church? Maybe we do and maybe I'm just the one who doesn't. I mean, should this only be a 1:1 thing? Are we ashamed that we aren't perfect? Are we afraid that if we say "I haven't been consistent in my Bible reading for the last 2 years" that people will think less of us instead of trying to help encourage us? Are our issues so bad that we can't share them? Or am I just missing something?

Here's my concern. Even if they aren't bad, what impression are we giving by not talking about it? I figure one of two extremes. Either we give the impression, as I said before, that things are so bad that I'm ashamed to talk about them, or we give the impression that nothing is wrong.

So, what's the problem? Right? Well, let's see. How can a young person going through problems know that they won't be judged if they never hear anyone else talk about their problems? They are left thinking they'll be judged by perfect people or that people have their own over-whelming problems that they don't have more time or energy to spend on these young people.

I mean, we do this as new parents, right? Especially with social media today. A new-ish parent can post for advise and get all kinds of help. Some people jump on and are judgmental, but the majority just want to help and encourage and they do a great job of it. So, why aren't we doing that about our Christian life? Maybe it's those of us going through issues who don't talk about them who are responsible for starting this....but I've got to wonder where the older generations are at about this.

Why don't we talk about our Christian life and how it is (and isn't) doing?

Let me be clear though. I don't think we should stand before our church and air our dirty laundry. That has as much potential to cause problems as to fix any. However,  I think that just 1:1 isn't always the answer either. I think this is one of the real values of a small group (and by small I mean no more than 10-12). A group that you can get to know that, preferably, spans generations and walks of life so that you can each bring different experiences together and help each other grow and learn, but also get through the pains of life.

Hebrews 10:24-25 says, "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

We should be allowing our weaknesses to show how great a God we worship and allow younger people not to feel isolated. 2 Cor 12:9b roughly translates to: "I am going to be proud of my weaknesses and not hide them because it shows the mighty power of God that the good things done through me are from Him and Him alone." - NSV - Nate Standard Version

To God be the glory!!

Conformed vs. transformed

I was reading Romans 12:1-2 yesterday and thinking about it this morning and I was trying to think through the difference between these words.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing/renewal of your mind."


I don't know about you, but the fact that two different words were used here has always stood out to me. I mean, why not say, "Don't be conformed to the world, but be conformed by the...." or "don't be transformed by the world, but be transformed by the..."?

So, let's just take a quick peek at the Greek words and their definitions.

Syschematizo: "to conform one's self (i.e. one's mind and character) to another's pattern, (fashion one's self according to)"

Metamorphoo: "to change into another form, to transform, to transfigure
           This word has the same root as our word metamorphosis. (frogs, butterflies, etc.)

I really like how this plays out. So, the transformation seems to be self-directed. It is looking at the world and saying, "I want to be like that." Ironically, this is so much easier to do than we might originally think. Sure, it is easy to say, "I don't want to be sinful and wicked" but is that all that this means? Is it that simple?

Materialistic things. Having a great job to provide a lifestyle that I want. Being able to focus on my family or myself more than anyone or anything else and never feel guilty for it.

But we have a higher calling. To become something we currently aren't. Not just to try to pattern ourselves, but to seek to allow ourselves to be completely changed. This is NOT self-directed. I mean, we are actively seeking to have our minds renewed, but we don't do the metamorphosis any more than a tadpole or caterpillar can cause themselves to be changed into a frog or butterfly.

The question for today is: will you seek to pattern yourself after what you see around you in the world, or will you, by renewing your mind, allow God to change you into someone you currently aren't...but who looks more and more like His Son, Jesus Christ?


To God be the glory.

The dad I want to be

You know, as humans, we all bring baggage into our relationships. Even people who were great as children, and didn't really get into trouble, have a kind of baggage that feels like "perfect baggage" to the rest of us who don't have that baggage. None of us is immune. The childhoods we had, the adults we interacted with (or didn't interact with), the friends we made, the friends we lost...

The thing we are proud of and the things that bring us shame. They all affect who we are as we get older.

Then, you get married. Holy cow. Not only do you bring that baggage along for the journey, but, at least for me, I learned about a LOT of baggage I had that I didn't even know I had until I had another human doing life with me.

...then you have kids. And some more baggage comes out.

...then the kids grow up. And, if you are lucky, they all act like your spouse! :0) If not, however, then you have a younger version of yourself to help remind you of your childhood insecurities and regrets. (Maybe you are different and maybe they remind you about how awesome you were. If so, please don't tell me!)

There are fewer things that I want in life more than to be a good husband and father. I have failed at both of those things more than any other things in my life. I am going to argue that this is because I'm given WAY more opportunities to fail in these areas than in other areas. Yeah...let's go with that. :o)

Anyway, I have also succeeded at these things more than other things in my life too. It's a mixed bag. Why? Because I am too. I'm not perfect, but I'm not always broken either. But man to the "fail" days really hurt. There is real shame and frustration when my life choices hurt my family and I can say "I knew better and no I don't know why this happened anyway."

The great news for me and for any other struggling dad is this: we have someone we can look to for an example of the dad we want to be. Also, anyone who needs to be reminded of our Heavenly Father's love today; this is for you too!

Matt 6:26: God takes care of birds and we know that we are much more valuable to God than birds are.

Matt 18:12-14: Just like a shepherd, we know that if we stray or wander, God will work very hard to help bring us back into the fold.

Luke 6:35-36: reminds us that our Heavenly Father is merciful (not giving us the things that we deserve). Oh, and the verse commands us to also be merciful...

Matt 7:9-11: Earthly Fathers try to give good gifts to their kids even though we are messed up, so we can know that our Heavenly Father will be even more gracious to us as His children. (Not promising earthly treasure or wealth...just a Father who knows what is best for us and CAN do it without selfishness or pride [etc.] getting in the way.)

There are so many more. This is just 4 and I know there are a ton more and there are many more messages too. The point is simply this: we serve a God who can be an example to us of being more than our natural inclinations will make us. Especially as fathers we can look to Him for an example of what "Father" should look like.

To God be the glory.

Reading, reading, reading

Any slow readers out there? DO you find reading difficult? Maybe even painful?

Some of you read that and went, "Absolutely. I'm right there with you Nate."

Some of you read that and went, "What? How could that be?"

Others of you read that, then put down your book so you could re-read it and then thought, "What is wrong with this sub-human." You people....I hate you!!

But, for the rest of you mortals, I have a thought to share today. :o)

Reading the Bible has always been hard for me. There are people who share their passion and are so passionate they make you feel ashamed because you aren't that passionate. I know that for me this isn't about the value of the Bible or a lack of interest in the contents. It is simply that reading is difficult for me.

Compensation? I've tried audio-books. This works really well for me in many things and, sometimes, the Bible, but often the Bible versions fall flat. They are either gross summaries (which is fine for some but doesn't work for me) or they are so monotone as to be painful. Some of them are really, REALLY bad!

So, what to do? Well, I Googled. I Googled things like, "How to make Bible reading more interesting," "How to read my Bible more," and "I don't like reading my Bible, now what?" It's true. I've been creative and honest in my Google searching for many years and I get a lot of good answers that way.

One thing that came to my attention was a group (individual??) that made a list of all of the books and put an average amount of time next to them. Really? This is how long it should take to read a whole book? There are some that can be read in under 10 minutes? Really?? That's fantastic.

The other thing that came to my attention at the same time is the idea of reading a whole book instead of reading it in little pieces. This gives you the whole picture. Now, when you want to study deep then you can break it down, but, let's be honest! I'm a slow enough reader that I'm not familiar with the whole of any of these books. I know the main themes and many of the stories and passages, but not the book as a whole. Sad? Yes. Disrespectful to a God who sent His Son to die for me before I was alive to sin against Him? Yes. My reality? Yes.

I don't want this to be about me so, suffice it to say, I have found some success in combining these two thoughts and turning them into some regular Scripture reading this week.

So, how do I want to encourage you? First of all, I am a SLOW reader. And yet, my chart said the book of Romans would take 78 minutes and it only took me 50. So, when I say that you can read Philippians or Colossians in only 18 (each) then that is a good estimate, even if you are a slow reader. So, instead of telling yourself you are going to spend 15 or 30 minutes reading and taking notes; just pick up your Bible and read the book of Philippians today! In fact, do that for the next 5 days or a week and THEN read it slower and take notes. There is so much context we miss when we did deep too fast and don't know what is going on around the passage we are looking at.

For those who care: Galatians and Ephesians should be less than 25 minutes as well. Again, totally do-able for a single sitting and you don't even have to rush through it. You can enjoy what you are reading and, even at that pace, still get it done in a reasonable amount of time.

There are 8 books that can be read in 10 minutes or less and another 14 that take 11-20 - again, without having to rush through the process.

The concern with a method like this is that you will be so focused on read, read, read that you won't actually get anything out of it. So, slow it down. The God of the universe saved us and we struggle to devote 1/48 (30 minutes) of a day to reading the truth that He has revealed to us? I'm guilty of that, I just know it is worth overcoming.

If you are a slow reader, take heart! There is hope. The Bible is not something you can never read or always find it painful to read. Give it a shot and see if this isn't an encouragement for you too!


To God be the glory.

The power of Christ in us

You all know the idea we throw around. The "Christ did this through me" idea, right? We want to give glory to God for our accomplishments and so we say that God gave us the talent. Or that God gave us the wisdom to know how to do a thing. There are many other versions but they all have the same result.

What was great this morning was to hear Paul say it, but in a better way! :o)

Colossians 1:29 is the last verse of the chapter and Paul just says, "...struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."

Why do I think he did it better?

Because while I say, "God did this or that for me" Paul says, "It is still God's and He did it in me." It's subtle, but there seems to a slight shift between the idea of "God did this to or for me" and "this is still God doing it. I'm just a vessel."

May we never get in the way of God working and may we never assume that He has allowed us to attain something. Rather, that He is doing something and we are the tool He uses to do it.


To God be the glory