A lesson on control...wait...isn't control done??

Ha!! You thought I'd stop thinking about control after 30 consecutive posts about it? Not going to happen.

I will get back to Malachi, but I want to get this out there and then I won't be posting Sunday as I'll be out of town for a youth retreat.

So, I am NOT a handy man. In fact, I did almost no fixing of anything growing up. Dad did it or dad had someone else come do it. That's just how it worked. Except that then I got into my own home and had no idea what I was doing. (this is also true for cars, but that's another topic for another day.)

So, I've learned how to do some things. Youtube videos are my best friends in this area. I recently undid parts of the dishwasher and corresponding disposal to clean out a clog that we had gotten that was making our dishwasher not drain and not clean well. I was pretty proud of that.

Now our kitchen faucet is leaking (I won't touch that one alone) and our bathroom floor seems to be leaking in front of the toilet. So, after talking to a couple people I decided to youtube it and see if I thought I could change the wax ring on the toilet.

Two HUGE control things came up in this process. Ironically, neither had to do with the toilet itself. Nope. It was cabinet behind it and it was the floor.

First, the cabinet. Let's just say, this is something we bought in our first year of marriage, I screwed it into the wall when we moved in around 2005 and I don't know if I've moved it since. Maybe once...but it was a while ago. So, it's been here for a while and hasn't moved in a while...and apparently the screws are stripped. I only had 3 screws, but yet it was taking me 15 minutes or so to do them. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Then, it dawned on me and I started talking to Maya K (who was watching before bed) about control and let's God have control of our lives. Literally, as I started talking to her about it the screws came out. Just like that. Were they already ready to? Probably. But God stilled used it to teach me and my daughter about control and allowing God to be in control of our lives...which means being patient with things we can't control.

The floor is just another test of control. We have to leave the toilet out until the floor dries to even see what the extent of the damage will be. That part I did not anticipate...and neither did my poor wife. You can all pray for her patience and control issues as we trust God to give us the strength to adjust and adapt as needed. We know we have it good and plenty of people only have one bathroom in their houses, so we'll manage just fine. Change is always hard and it's always worse when you have control issues!

Praising God for object lessons for me and for my daughter today!! (I'll post again on Monday morning, the 2nd of March)

Ungrateful people can't worship God

Well, I was just getting ready to jump into Malachi 1 and talk about worship but I got stopped in the first couple verses.

Malachi 1:2-5 starts the book off with God talking to Israel through the prophet Malachi. God actually has to say, "Haven't I love you?" And sadly, the response of the Israelites is, "How have you loved us?"

Really? Of all the nations in history, this is the only one that God has chosen specifically to be his own people. As the verses point out, he rejected Esau and gave favor to Jacob? I mean, let's be honest, Jacob was no saint. he was a mess just like the rest of us. God could have gone either way but, instead of the Edomites, he chose the Israelites...and they have the nerve to say, "how have you loved us God??"

As we have the nerve to wonder when God will bless us. Or how he has blessed us recently. Or to wonder why he isn't making us feel more happy. Why do I have problems. Why, why, why?

Here's the thing. The God of the universe, stepped out of time to die on a cross for Nate Maxwell....for Pam Maxwell...for Maya Kisanet Joy Maxwell....for each person in the history of forever...but individually. (for those of you who believe in limited atonement, don't get me started!!)

Yet, we are so ungrateful. Now, if you would say (as I would too), "Nate, I don't complain to God that much. I know he blesses me and takes care of me." True. So, do you consistently thank God for as much as possible? For example: your car, the fact that it is running, the fact that the heat is running, the fact that no one ran into you today, the fact that you didn't run into anyone today, the fact that you have a job to go to today, the fact that you have clothes to wear today, the fact that you ate food and wore shoes today, the fact that if you needed something you had cash or a CC to pay for it today, etc.

See, we are ungrateful....or at least, we are not nearly grateful enough! 1 Cor 10:31, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do ALL to the glory of God. Where is God's glory when we don't say thank you??

Glorify God today. Find ways to constantly thank him for things that you normally take for granted and see what kind of day you can have!! 

Worship is more than a song

God deserves so much more from us than that we just sing a song and go on with our day. Shoot....that's often just Sunday anyway. Where did the lifestyle of worship in the Christian community go? When it become about fitting in and doing, doing, doing, and never once thinking about the very God who has made us who we are and who has given the chance to do what we are doing?

This has been a sobering day for me. I spent 30 days blogging about control and trying to determine what it means to give control of my life to God. Then, when things start falling into place, life gets hard. My marriage has rough spots. Work isn't the greatest place to be. I feel out of touch with friends. I am emotionally weary. So, what do I do?? I cry to God and complain. Then I remember who I'm talking to and I thank him that he is in control and beg (supplication) him to give me the ability to handle everything that is coming my way. I also ask him to help me not shove through doors that are meant to be closed but to also not assume that a door is closed when in fact it is open.

Anyway, what was my point? Oh, worship. So, in all of this...even letting God be in control, it is so easy to get lost in the motions of communicating with God and "worshiping." Yet, what is worship?

Worship: "to show reverence [deep respect] and adoration [deep love] toward."

Nope. I don't think that's what I do most of the time. I think it is so much less than that. I get this idea that the things that I am doing (praying, singing, etc.) are the worship. However, what I'm seeing is that it is my attitude toward God that is the worship. It is in my respect and love toward God while doing those things. THAT is worship. How often is that what you do? What I do?

So, today; let's take some time to pray and read in our Bibles, but do it with an attitude of love and respect toward God. Because then we will be worshiping him in our attitudes while building our relationship in our actions.

What do I give to God...any old thing or my best?

There was a Patch the Pirate episode that involved two different kids. Each one sings a similar song but with a completely different theme. The first sings, "Any old thing will do for you, any old thing will do." The other sings, "Only my best will do for you, only my best will do."

How appropriate. Here I want to ignore what we say. Many of us know the words. That isn't the point. God doesn't need our words anyway. He's looking for our worship. So, is it any old thing or is it your best?

In worship?
In offerings?
In prayer?
In time devoted to God?
In our lives?

I could go on, but I hope something in that list hit you like most of that list hits me. I give God the bare minimum all the time. I say, "God, thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me. Now, I'm going to give you whatever bits and pieces of my day are left over." Really? Look at the Old Testament. What did Israel have to bring for their sacrifices?? The best and the first fruits. It was always the best and always first. Why? Because "I am a great King, says the Lord of hosts..." Malachi 1:14.

I am hoping to look at that chapter in Malachi a little more in the next few days as I reflect on it more. However, I want to leave you with a quote from the message that inspired this post and is really hitting home for me today. Who is really supposed to be pleased by our worship?

In talking about a church service, "The goal is not that you get done and say, 'that was good.' The goal is that God looks down, sees what we have been doing and says, 'OK, that was good.'" - Giving God Our Best by Francis Chan.

Project Control - Day 30 - Why do hard things happen?

Day 30 (02/24/15): Look at this. Last day of this project!!!

First of all, I'm distinguishing here between hard things and bad things. Some events in our life may fall in one or the other and sometimes both. For bad things I would think of natural disasters that affect us personally of the effects of evil people on our lives. Bad things happen. I may eventually hit the topic of evil, but that is not my intention here.

I'm willing to touch on "hard" things though.

So, since we have established that we have no ultimate control, and that we are striving give God control of our lives every day ("...to present your bodies as a living sacrifice"), why are we dealing with hard things all the time? Annoying people, things that make us late for work, people that make us go CRAZY, bills that aren't expected, etc., etc. If we are letting God be in control of our lives, why isn't everything easy now??

The answer is discipline and atrophy. Don't think of discipline here as a naughty child. Think of it as a physical therapist who is helping you during rehab after an injury. Normally you have to strengthen certain muscles to be stronger so that the same injury won't happen again, or you may have to strengthen certain muscles that haven't been used. (A caste, a sling, etc.) When something atrophies it "gradually declines in effectiveness or vigor due to under-use or neglect." How does this work in our spiritual lives?

One example: patience. Think of it like having patience muscles. Most of us aren't born with patience. We develop it. We work the patience muscle. Just like a gym, you work the muscle by having resistance. So, when we need to build our patience, we will find ourselves constantly in situations that try our patience. We can succeed and develop our patience further, or we can not succeed and nothing good is done. If we don't work that muscle long enough, we can eventually find that our patience muscle will have atrophied and it won't have the same strength.

Last piece to my point today. Who knows what is best for you? Honestly? I mean, even when we know we are too impatient or have a short fuse, or struggle with good stewardship of our money. God knows how much patience we need. God know how much of a fuse we really need. Why does that matter? Well, you don't know what you are going to go through in life. You don't know what other lives you will touch with your own. You may think that the amount of patience you have is enough, but God may know the young loved one you are going to lose in the future. God may know the problems you will have at church. God may know how hard work is going to get for you. He knows what is best for us. Therefore, he is the best on to control our lives and allow us to be who he wants us to be instead of who we think we should be.

I am not a follower of Joel Osteen. I am a Christian, a human with a mind, and an amatuer church historian. As such, I don't like to just taking people's word on things. That, and all the extreme hate (and extreme love) that I hear about Joel Osteen makes me take pause and wonder. So, I listened to a message of his on control. Joel was talking about the person who prays to God and asks for God to change their children's hearts so that XYZ behavior will fix. Then he said, "God is not going to change your children, until you first allow him to change yourself."

How true that is. When we see problems around us, instead of trying to fix those around us or even pray for God to fix them, we need to start by asking God how he is trying to fix us and pray that we'll learn the lesson.

Project Control - Day 29 - Who do you trust? ...with your life??

Day 29 (02/23/15): OK. Second to last day. What shall we talk about???

Another reason why we can/should give control of our lives to God. I have already given the best reason which is his love for us. Romans 5 tells us that he demonstrated his love for us by dying before we were even alive...knowing that we would be rebellious and, for some of us, hate him. In spite of that, he died for us to show how much he loves us. THAT is crazy love!!!

Another reason. Let's look at Psalm 46.

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam,though the mountains swell at its trembling...the Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." The next couple verses describe how God has both destroyed and brought the end of war in the nations of the earth. The very last first continues with, "The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress" again.

How comforting. I mean, even the parts that look a little rough (God bringing desolation, etc.) is an encouragement. Why? Because as we realize that we are not in ultimate control of our lives, we learn, through the Bible, that someone is. It isn't chaos. It is not fate. It is not random chance (no matter how long you give it...). No, it is the God of the universe, Jesus Christ, who is in control.

So, we have see that God protects us, that he is with us, and that because of how great he is, we don't have to be afraid. So, now what?

Well, I cheated and I skipped a verse! Verse 10 starts with this line, "Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still. "The Hebrew word for 'still' means to 'cease striving,' or, literally, 'to put our hands at our side'." - Our Daily Bread- 11/02/14.

What's cool about this is that we usually use this verse to tell ourselves to be calm under pressure. To maintain control and not lose it or to take a moment and breathe. Ironically, the verse is actually saying, "stop trying so hard to accomplish what God himself will do for and in you." How beautiful is that? I can keep at it, or I can let God be in charge of the end results. I don't have to fear, I know that God is protecting me. I know that God is with me.

So then...why do bad things still happen to me and the people I love the most? I'll talk about it tomorrow morning. :0)

Project Control - Day 28 - Letting go of control of ...my words??

Day 28 (02/22/15): Look at us. It is now four weeks exactly of talking about control issues. I actually just sat down to type and thought, "what am I going to talk about? I feel fresh out of material for today." Then, however, my wife tried to have a conversation with me and twice I jumped in to finish her sentences and thought she was done. (Yes, I'm lucky she married me and she should beat me sometimes.)

Of course that is a control issue that stems from the tongue. All of you who know me well know that I have a terrible time controlling my tongue and I have a terrible time assuming what people are going to say. I'm actually wrong 70-80% of the time yet I keep trying. It is SO rude and a huge turn off to conversation in general. So, why do I do it??

Because it is another little piece of the universe that I can control. Conversation. The flow of it, the tone of it, when and where....it's all just wonderful control on my part!!!! (Insert evil laughter here)

OK. It really isn't. I know that and you know it too. Yet, it doesn't change a lifetime of habit. So, after 28 days of talking about control, what do I do about it? I give it up to God. My tongue that is. Whatever you say or do, do it to God's glory and while giving thanks to God. That's hard to do when I'm hurting (or at least not helping) relationships. When I'm selfishly thinking of myself and not the other person. Praise God for his unending patience.

So, those of you who know me and see me at least weekly: thank you for your patience too. I'm trying. God isn't through with me yet!!!

Project Control - Day 27 - My faith still fails me...

Day 27 (02/21/15): I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. So, today's post is a reminder that it is easier to talk than it is to walk.

Don't get me wrong. The last 26 or so days have been a huge learning experience for me. I have loved (almost) every minute of it and I have grown and learned SO much. I have learned that I can let go of my control issues and I can indeed trust God with my life.

...and yet. In all the learning, I am still failing at times. Sure, there is the more obvious way of simply forgetting to give God control in a given situation. To come up to a problem and start by figuring out how to fix it instead of asking God for wisdom, praising him through the trial, or giving thanks to him in all things. God has definitely helped me get better in that area.

Nope, the real issue that I was facing the other day is continuing to trust God even when I have given him control. Example: I have remembered to pray and ask God to be in control of something. The baby crying at 4 AM, my attitude, etc. Now, we know that God is not a genie in a bottle. We can't just say, "God, I'm giving you control so this is what I'd like to have happen." No, we give control and allow him to work. But...that means sometimes the baby is going to keep crying and sometimes it's going to be a rough night. Sometimes I'm going to lose my patience, or worse, my temper. So, if I allow myself to get down or depressed in those moments, I'm...well, I'm being human. But that isn't really an excuse. Because my actions are saying, "God I'm not 100% sure that you are doing what's best for me." I'm doubting God's love for me and his ability to do what is best for me.

So, I'm still failing guys. I am, however, also realizing the problem and praying for God's grace and help to allow me to build better habits and more trust in my God and savior.

"God, help us to be exercising our trust muscles so that we can be more quickly and more completely trusting you both in the easy moments and when things are just plain hard."

Project Control - Day 26 - How much of an illusion is control...

Day 26 (02/20/15): OK, I've been saying all along that we don't really have any control. This SHOULD make it easier to be able to give God control because it is that or either leaving it to chaos or chance. however, that is clearly an over simplification. So, I want to be more specific.

I'll talk about it in a minute, but we do have limited control...what we don't have is any ultimate control. Take the example of driving...anywhere. Work, the store, church, school, vacation, etc. Just the simple task of driving somewhere. Here is a list of things that you ultimately have absolutely no control over.

A flat tire
You sliding on black ice and hitting someone (or vice verse)
Someone hitting you (whether they are sober or not)
Someone hitting someone in front of you (police report)
Someone hitting someone a mile (or 5 or 10) in front of you (traffic jam)
Traffic lights not working (or the ever-annoying flashing red)
Deer (or other suicidal animal)
Your car doesn't start today (yes, there are things that you can do to minimize this, but not control it perfectly)

I could go on, but I won't. the point is that this is a simple exercise and it is completely outside of our ultimate control. So, since I can't guarantee that I'll get anywhere, I should stop going, right? Fail. You know better, so what is my point?

My point is that we have a responsibility to act. We know from scripture that we have responsibilities. (For sin, obedience, making disciples, loving others, etc.) We can't just float through life with no responsibilities.

I can choose to not go out today. I can choose to speed. I can chooses to rage on the road. I can chooses to angrily yell at someone. I can choose to not be helpful when opportunities arise. I can also chooses to do the opposites of those things. So, how do I NOT have control?? Great question.

It is the end results where we don't have control. You can do everything right and whatever it is that you are doing can end well or end poorly--and you will not have been able to force that to happen. Even in individual sports, where there shouldn't be anyone but you....you have weather, strange hereditary things (bunions) which can wreck your day, events being cancelled, etc. You can do your best, and you SHOULD do your best, but the end results aren't yours for the taking.

Chaos, random chance, yourself, or God. That is really who/what you can put your trust in. Me personally? I would rather trust my life and those around me to a loving and just God than to anything else...including myself.

Project Control - Day 25 - humility

Day 25 (02/19/15): Well, as I told you yesterday (link), God brought two completely different posts to mind and I wanted to share the 2nd one with you today.

Humility. humility is "a modest or low view of one's own importance." Did you catch it. This isn't having low self-esteem. This isn't having a low view of yourself. It is a low view of your importance. What in the world does this have to do with control? And where did this come from??

First, where it is this coming from. Well, two nights ago (tonight as I type this) I spent time with 4 friends of mine. Each of them is living a different life and we are all in different places. Yet, it was completely and utterly humbling for me to spend time talking with them and praying with them. I genuinely felt completely unworthy to even be praying with them. Now, I moved past that because God gives us each gifts and talents individually and then I was simply overwhelmed with how unworthy I was to be able to talk to God at all. I couldn't even begin to give you the list of reasons why God should cut off my access to his throne. He should say, "Nate, your communication privileges have been revoked." Yet he doesn't. And it amazes me. It completely baffles me that God would view me through Christ and see his perfection and his sacrifice on the cross instead of my brokenness. Wow!!

OK, let's relate this to control. It dawned on me that night (tonight as I type) that I live in a bubble of selfishness when I demand to take control from God. At least, I do at this point. Now that I am completely and utterly aware that control is a great illusion and that I genuinely have no control in life...for me to try to wrestle the control from God is pure selfishness. In relation to God: it is really rebellion against him. I know that he can and wants to be in control and will do a much better job than me. I know that he died on a cross to demonstrate his love and that he deserves to be in control. The selfishness is to everyone around me. In trying to maintain control I am bringing my own focus and centering it on me! I can't see other ministries as well and I don't even think about their existence. I don't worry about the people I'm affecting when I road rage. I don't think about who is affected by what I say and do that doesn't glorify God. I simply focus on what I want, when I want it, and how I'm going to make sure that I get it.

For any of you who have had to deal with my selfishness: I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I wish I could promise you that it was going to go away, but that wouldn't be honest of me. Though I can promise you that I am going to continue to try to work every day to give God control so that I see the people around me and you can be that much more important to me!

Project Control - Day 24 - contentment...really? Is that necessary?

Day 24 (02/18/15): Well, again, I had a whole blog post planned out...but this time I prayed and asked God to direct if he had something else in mind. He did. Two things in fact. So, you will get the first today and the 2nd tomorrow.

Contentment. I know I talked about this a little bit here...and here I talked about making plans but letting God have the results.

Let me just start today off by saying that contentment is completely over-rated and requires a defeated attitude! Seriously. It just means accepting less than what you could have and being willing to let people walk all over you. Right? It means not caring about having better things for your family because you are "content" with what you have. Right?

OK, sarcasm aside, let's be honest. Contentment, in a Christian, is a sign of someone who is willing to let God be in control. It is NOT someone who doesn't plan for anything or strive for better things. It is someone who recognizes that God is in control.

Example: I'd like my daughters to have separate rooms. From sleeping problems with a 6 month old and a 7 year old in the same room to Maya K not having any access to her room for several hours out of every day when Layla is napping. It is really rough for her. (I know, first world problems...leave me alone! :)

I'd like a different job. Don't get me wrong, I love my employer, many of my co-workers, and my boss. They are great people and its a really good company for me and my family. But God has put more into my personality than sitting in a cubicle. Yet, here I am.

I could go on, but then it's an unnecessary pity party and I'd like to avoid that. The point isn't the specific things that I'd like for myself or my family. It is simply that being content doesn't mean that we have no hopes or dreams for the future. It doesn't mean that we stop taking care of the house and never plan to move. It means that we do take care of the house and we do plan to move someday, but today...today we rest in God's arms and trust that he is doing what is best for us. No matter how hard it is. Today I trust that God has me in the job that he does so that I can affect those around me and so that those around me can affect me.

I find it hard to be content. I know that this stems from my incredibly high volume of control issues. Praise God for the fact that he is showing me this NOW while I have time to learn and grow.

Praying that you will be content today and find peace in the knowledge that God has you here, now, for a reason. He'll probably move you someday too, but he'll always be with you and he'll always guide you where he wants you if you'll let him.

Project Control: Day - 23 - Exercising my trust muscles

Day 23 (02/17/15): first I have an announcement. I want you to be thinking. In a couple days I'm going to ask for ideas. This has been a long month long project and I'm not going to be up for a month long project again any time soon. However, it has been incredibly good and I know that having themes is a great idea. So, I'm going to be looking for theme/topic suggestions that I can use for week long posts. I'm going to be looking for church history, religious, or faith topics. So, be thinking about it and keep an eye out for the post towards the weekend.


So, I talked a few days ago about how bad I am about one of my weaknesses which was conflict that is aimed at me. Well, let's just say that an opposite weakness I have is the way I respond when something comes at my family as a whole or my wife in general. I react TOO fast and I have much to say and most of it isn't very good or helpful at all. So, when a comment was made on my wife's blog last night I had a few things to say and I KNEW they weren't going to help anything. So, as I typed out some thoughts to Pam, I had a realization. I was trying to control the situation. I was taking control from God. Who can better defend my family than the God of the universe? Why did I feel like I needed to do it myself? So, I deleted my e-mail and sent her a new one where I told her I had some thoughts but that I thought we should trust God to defend us (through our friends or whatever other means he saw fit to use). That was a huge flexing of my trust muscles though. That meant that I was committing to NOT comment. But...I was also committing to not be bitter at the person or the results because I was leaving it all up to God and God alone. Praise God that he was faithful to us and he did defend us. Thank you to those who graciously did that.

This wasn't about me and Pam or even our adoption. It was about two things.

1. My control issues and allowing God to be in control in a situation where everything in me screamed that I needed to be in control. Praise God for that.

2. OTHER adoptive families down the road. See, everything we do has ripple affects. Being a history major and history nerd, I have a huge advantage here because I can see this happen over hundreds of years. I can see a decision in the 3rd or 4th century and then see the abuses in the Middle Ages that  came from that well meant decision. See, we don't live in a bubble or function in our own little world. If someone has something negative to say about fundraising now---what then? Go forward 5 years or 10 years.

/That same person could have solidified their feelings on adoption and fundraising and now be even more out-spoken towards someone who needs the help even more than we do.

Someone reading the blog might be thinking about adopting themselves. They may genuinely feel that God has called them to adopt and have a passion to do it. But....then, what about the animosity they saw Nate & Pam deal with when they were fundraising. I mean, they are going to have to trust God through the process just like everyone else. That is trusting God in many, many things...but one of them is finances. Yes, they may be a couple that God has already blessed financially, but what if that is one area that God hasn't blessed yet and wants them to grow in???

The reality is that we are all responsible for our decisions and for how much we trust God. The adoption process requires a ton of faith and trust and causes a lot of growth in us. So, while something small like this shouldn't change things, we really don't know the power of our words both for now and how they will sit in any one individual.

How about the 16 years old who will be in their late 20's in a decade?

How about my children, and other adopted children, who might get the impression that instead of being a gift they are a burden to us and it's all about the money??

That's not the message we want to give. I am praising God for friends and family who have supported us, loved us, and loved our children through both of our adoption processes....and in many different ways.

Last rant: Guess what? God doesn't need you! ....and yet he has chosen to use so many of you to help us on our adoption journeys. He didn't have to and he still doesn't have to. He may and he may not. What is important in ALL of this is that GOD will provide for us as he sees fit. Praise him for his consistently providing for ALL of our needs!!!

Project Control - Day 22 - temptation and sin: more control issues?

Day 22 (02/16/15): Now this may seem harsh, but trust me when I say that I have plenty of room to talk about this. So, if you think I'm being too harsh, I'd love to dialog about it. :0)

Another caveat: I know that everyone is different. I know that some people have other root sins than just control. Popularity, power, etc. However, control is still big and I'm going to make a case for it.

James 1:13-16 is what our pastor talked about this morning. He did a great job of showing this as a path that we take. Temptation starts inside. it is our own desire that entice us. Then, there is something external that baits us to a trap. Our internal and external work together and, if not checked, produces sin. Then, sin, when it is not checked or confessed will always lead to death. Let's do that again. ALWAYS leads to death. Death of trust. Death of our reputations. Death of our ministry. Death of relationships. It is not always the same for all people, but there is always death involved.

So, where is the control issue? It is in the first couple steps.

When our desires don't line up with God's desires and we choose our own desires instead - it leads to sin.

When we want what we want no matter the cost - it leads to sin.

When we don't think about Go'd will and just do whatever comes to mind instead of considering God's will and plan for us - it leads to sin.

The point is that when we allow our desires to dictate our actions instead of allowing God to, we are taking control from him and telling him that we know better and his sacrifice for us isn't nearly good enough to cause me to be self-controlled enough to follow his lead!

Prayer: "God, may we let you lead today. When our own desires entice us and when the external things that bait us to the trap of sin are overwhelming, help us to remember your love and desire for our lives. May we let you be in control today!"

Project Control - Day 21 - God's plans are better than my plans

Day 21 (02/15/15): I can't believe that today is three weeks on this project. I never thought I'd be able to blog every day for three weeks straight. How crazy is that?

God has been so good to us. In our two adoption journeys we have been blessed in so many ways. Things that are time crazy that could only happen with God in control and me NOT trying to wrestle that control from God.

Maya K was not even available for adoption until about 5 months before we brought her home. That means that the first year and a half of waiting was his timing because our daughter wasn't ready for us.

We changed our parameters during Maya K's two year process a couple of times. We started at siblings ages 0-3 and ended with a preference for siblings but willing to consider 1 child ages 0-5. Again, if we had made that change sooner we may not have ended up with Maya K.

Both adoptions we have done different fund raisers. The one that sticks out here was our two adoption garage sales. Many of you who read this helped by providing items for the adoption. Well, the first one was a huge success, from many perspectives including financial. So, we just assumed the second one would be too...and God was reminding us to trust HIM and not a specific event. The second one wasn't nearly as successful. As we got done and evaluated what happened, we realized we had assumed it would work so we hadn't prayed about it or asked God to bless it in anyway. We thanked God for his provision and then told him we knew he would provide in his time.Within a week or two, we were sent an unexpected donation from someone we didn't even have much contact with. Again, God providing in his way and not ours.

We expected to have 3-4 months to prepare for our new baby to come to our home....and we had 8 days. We didn't know how we'd be ready, but we trusted God and allowed him to lead...and we were ready when the time came.

Time and again, when we look back on our lives, we see examples of things that worked out wonderfully and it was mostly because it didn't go the way we planned and we trusted God to lead us through. Unfortunately, we can do the same thing with things that DID go the way we planned...but they didn't end nearly as well as we had planned. Praise God for his love and patience with us. When we allow him to be in control it always ends up better in the end. We still have plenty of work to do, but we praise God through the process and trust him with the results. 

Project Control - Day 20 - oops...my bad

Day 20 (02/14/15): Confession time - I got confused. I am not going to go back through the last 18 days to see if I actually messed this up or not and, if so, how many times. Instead, we are going to correct my confusion and add a challenge because of it.


Colossians 3:17 says that in whatever we say or do we should be doing it in the name of Jesus while giving thanks to God. On the other hand, I Cor. 10:31 says that whether we are eating or drinking...or whatever we are doing, we are to be doing it to the glory of God.

The confusion was that I got these verses mixed up in my head. Thankfully, it is of little ultimate consequence since they are both there and the truths I've mentioned are still true. :0)

The challenge is that for every time I'm brought up the fact that we are supposed to be glorifying God in whatever we do, we are also supposed to be thanking God too. It shouldn't be a resigned "God...glory to you...because I have to" or "God, I'll give you the glory because this is my duty that must be performed." We are supposed to get ourselves into the right mindset and allow God control of our lives. In so doing, we can actively remember that God has our best in mind...and that he thinks VERY long-term and not just short-term. (Look at this post to see a little more about this.)

Also, if you need motivation beyond "duty" there is always this one too! It happens to be perfect for Valentine's Day too!! :0)

Praise God for all the ways he has blessed us!!

Project Control - Day 19 - Promises, promises

Day 20 (02/14/15): What I love about the Bible are all the promises that it gives. The authors don't flinch or hesitate. They don't give caveats and clarifications. They just make truth claims. Not only can't our society seem to do that, I even find myself struggling to do it to others and to accept it from the Bible.

James 1:2-4 is a great little passage. It's just like yesterday where we saw a promise of the end results of trials. Here, however, the promise is steadfastness and being perfect! :o) Not quite. Let's look.

First, steadfastness is the ability to stand firm through something. That means that while trials will come, you will develop the character and faith in God to not crumble through those hardships. Look at some people of Godly character that you know. Do they fall apart when bad things happen? No they don't. Is it hard? Absolutely. This doesn't make it easy. Otherwise it should be easyship instead of hardship. The trial is still hard, but they have the ability to endure.

The Greek word that is translated "perfect" in this verse has the idea of being mature or being brought to an end. So, we are brought to a completed state in regards to trials. I believe that means we come to a place of completely trusting God through them and having the maturity to trust him DURING the trials as well as after!

James 1:5-8 goes along with this really well too. Here we have another promise...ironically there is a caveat of sorts, but not the way you might think. So, the promise is that if we lack wisdom we just have to ask God and he will pour it on us. Trust me, this is true because God has blessed us through this truth so many times I couldn't even count them all. However, the caveat is that you have to believe that he will do it and have no doubt about it. Doubt gnaws at you. To be honest, doubt will make you want to be in control again and you will often stop waiting for God to provide the wisdom.

This section also comes to mind when I'm thinking about control because when I want to be in control I never ask God for help. That's not me being in control. So, if I can't ask God for help because I'm in control, then I can't claim this promise. So remember, just let go of your own control and ask God for wisdom. He promises to provide it!*

*This can be you genuinely having a thought or way of thinking through something that you hadn't though through before. An epiphany as it where. However, it's also important to remember that God will often just bring wisdom from the people and circumstances around you too. So, pay attention. Once you've surrendered control and asked God for wisdom, he WILL provide it, but you have to be looking for it too. This isn't a passive process. No growing and learning experience is!

Project Control - Day 18 - hope during hardship

Day 18 (02/12/15): Thankfully, today's topic was easy because yesterday's topic kind of pushed me here. It is actually the verses leading up to yesterday's passage.

Romans 5:3-5 gives us a hope for when we are "out of control." That assumes we were ever in control, which we really weren't, but there is a trust factor to giving God control. It requires that we be willing to sacrifice some of our "freedoms" of choice and decisions and it requires that we be open to his leading. It also means that bad stuff is going to happen and instead of blaming myself, my environment, or some other factor, I will be able to look to God and, "OK Lord. Why? What am I supposed to learn...or teach through this experience?"

Now, we aren't always going to think that way DURING the experience. Though, if our mindset is correct it will be in the back of our minds and it can help us through it. However, the goal is that we get through it and then evaluate and see what God had for us. We aren't always going to see it, but we can pray, meditate, and look for legitimate, God-given reasons.

Anyway, Romans 5: 3-5 gives us a encouragement and hope for the hard things. We rejoice in our sufferings because they build character in us. That character can then give us hope. That hope allows us to not be put to shame because God's love has been poured into us through the Holy Spirit. Wow.

All of that from sufferings and hardships?? Yes. If we look at history, the best times for the church as far as strength of faith and character of Christians has been times of persecution. Times of plenty and power often bring the opposite. It is through hard things that we grow stronger. It is through religious persecution that a person learns what they truly believe and what they are willing to die for. It is through hardships that we gain character and are able to have hope that God has a perfect plan.

Praise God that even when we don't see it or understand what is going on: we know that God has a plan that is greater than us!!!

Project Control - Day 17 - weaknesses as strength

Day 17 (02/11/15): Well, I had my blog post all worked out for what I was going to say...and then life happened. Never fear, that post will still happen, it'll just be tomorrow.

OK. I consider myself "emotionally immature" at times. That is, there are plenty of instances where I can handle myself and difficult situations just fine, but I reach a point where it stops. I no longer have the emotional stability to handle what is coming at me.

Context: I was already struggling last night because I'd gotten a frustrating phone call at work and had a "calm argument" that ensued. I then had two instances of crazy driving that had gotten me frustrated. Having then apologized to God for my feelings and action of road rage, I was trying to move on. However, already being uptight, Maya K and I were struggling through and after dinner. However, we went out to meet with some friends anyway and things were going well!

Then, during the course of the evening, I was told (fairly vehemently) to shut up. Now, this was someone who is older than me and who I greatly respect in many areas. So, I was taken aback to say the least. (Please note that I had not intended the frustration that I had caused, but my words had been frustrating. this person wasn't out of line per se. I had caused offense and in trying to clarify myself I instead came across and just trying to justify myself. Not my intention, but it was the legitimate interpretation taken from my words.) However, I didn't say anything. In fact, I realized that I rarely do...

It's interesting because I am usually (too) good with words and having snappy comebacks...but not in these cases. It's usually something that is causing conflict or could cause conflict. I try to often smooth things out when it is others who are struggling with each other, but i freeze when the frustration is either my own or directed at me. And you are asking, "Who cares? What does this have to do with control?" Well, I personally consider this a weakness when I usually think about it. However, today I realized that if I said all the things I'm thinking of when I'm frustrated or when someone else is frustrated with me (rightly or not) I would damage so many friendships. I simply don't think as clearly. Praise God for my inability to function socially at the times when it would get me in trouble and damage relationships that are more important to me than the moment we are dealing with.

THEN, I realized that lately, as I have been doing this blog and studying doctrine as well as church history, I have realized that there ARE things I have gotten better about taking a stand on. Character issues and moral issues for example. Things I wouldn't normally want to "argue" about and yet I know it is healthy to dialogue about them. I also know that what I believe before God is important and shouldn't be silenced just because someone (even someone I respect and look up to) disagrees with me.

Rejoice in the Lord always and rejoice in our weaknesses because, when we are weak, HE is strong!

Project Control - Day 16 - He took a cross for me!

Day 16 (02/10/15):

I've been talking about practical ways to allow God to be in control of my life and working to NOT try to wrestle that control away form him. Now, let's flesh out that "why?" question. Yes, I've talked about how control is an illusion anyway so it is in our best interest to not fight against the control that God really has anyway. On top of that, it shows him the love that we have for him.

Yesterday I talked about Christ taking a cross for me and I wanted to hit that topic a little bit more today. I recently came across Romans 5:6-8 (which is great because tomorrow I'm going to talk about Romans 5:3-5 because I just read them prepping for this and they are so amazing) and it made a much greater impression on me than it ever has before.

One will scarcely die for a righteous person. Some MIGHT dare to die for a good person... it's so true. If we are truly honest with ourselves, it would probably take a lot for you to die for a stranger....even a friend. It will depend on the situation (a reasoned decision, a split second decision, a decision that requires overcoming immense fear, etc.) and it depends on your relationship to the person. I think it also depends on if you've thought about this question before or not. Needless to say, I wanted to see what was so different about these terms "righteous" and "a good man" in the Greek.

Since Greek is contextual I realize that I can only be so precise without being a Greek expert...and I'm not a Greek expert. So, the Greek nerds out there are very welcome to weigh in on this part. It looks to me like the context might suggest a righteous (dikaios) person here is someone who is guiltless. That is, someone who seems to make the right decisions when decisions are being made. By "right" I mean moral and fair, or just. The other person, "a good man" (agathos) seems to be someone who is well known, but in a positive way...or someone who is a very positive or agreeable person.

So, looking at moral and fair/honest people, we might be willing to die for some of them, but not most of them. "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Now, that may seem significant....but it's much more significant than it even seems on first glance. See, we can think of an enemy. Someone that we know but despise. Someone that disagree with on principle. Religiously, politically, socially, etc. We can think not only of Adolf Hitler, but his storm troopers who did the job they did. Brainwashed or not, the job was done. Or the German priests who allowed storm troopers to be added to the church's art and murals giving a religious license to the Third Reich. These are not people we would want to die for. Right?? But we were worse than that. Being a sinner who had not accepted the blood of Christ to cover our sins, we were an offense to the holiness (sinlessness) of God. We were, until we accepted Christ as savior, beings that were an absolute affront to the character of God. By Adam's sin, and then as we lived our lives, by our own personal sins. Yet, before we were alive to be an affront, before we had added sin upon sin in our own lives, Christ took a cross for you and for me. He was tortured and murdered and he did it because he had chosen to love us in spite of who and what we were and would become.

So, why bring this up while talking about control? The same reason I touched on it in passing yesterday. Even if it wasn't in our best interest to not fight God for the control of our lives (which it is) and even if it didn't actively tell God and others that we love him (which it does), but Christ Jesus, having taken a cross for us, has earned the right to take control of our lives without us fighting him for that control. It's that simple. If we accept the gift of salvation from God, then as a response to that salvation, we owe him our lives. Offering our lives (and relinquishing control) is the most reasonable thing we can do. To do less is to short change and cheapen the sacrifice!

Project Control - day 15 - "God, I don't love you"

Day 15 (02/09/15): Look at that. We have made it half-way through. I really wasn't sure if I'd make this it far so "Good job Nate!" Yes, I do feel better now!

The funny thing is that this next one wasn't supposed to happen. See, my pastor was preaching yesterday morning and he had us turn to John 14-ish. See, I don't even know what verse pastor was looking at (whoops). However, at some point in the last 5 or 6 years, I had underlined John 14:15 so I got to that page it jumped out at me.

First of all, there have been a couple times I've made comments (like at the end of Day 1) how I have begun to realize that a large part of allowing God to be in control of my life is obeying his Word. Allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me (Don't ignore, etc.) It isn't about me NOT doing anything, its about me doing what God would have me to do allowing the results to be up to God and not my micro-management of my life.

So, this verse really hit me. It says that "if you love me, you will keep my commandments." So, when I don't do what the Bible tells me to do, I am saying, "I don't love you." When I demand that I be in control of a situation instead of recognizing that God is the best one to be in control, I am saying, "I don't love you."

Maybe that sounds harsh. Well, let's illustrate it. There have been a couple occasions in the last 2.5 years when Maya K has done something to hurt Pam. Not physically mind you and, the key is, not by accident. These have been cases where she was upset or angry about something so she intentionally, willfully did something that she new would be hurtful to her mother. So, in the process of talking to her about what she had done I have told her, "when you do things that you know will be hurtful, you are telling mommy that you don't love her." At which point she denies that because she and I BOTH know how much she loves her mommy. So, I calmly remind her that mommy and I both know how much Maya K loves both of us, but her ACTIONS are still saying, "I don't love you." (Now, you can agree with my tact or not and that's fine.)

SO, my reading of John 14:15 is the exact same. I do love my savior, but when I don't obey or when I try to demand control....I am acting in an unloving way to the savior to took a cross for me. A cross people!!! That's crazy. Before I existed and knowing that once I did exist I would despise him for years before I would come to him...he took a cross for me! How could I be so thoughtless as to act unlovingly toward him??

Because, spiritually, I'm about 7 years old and I can be spiteful and immature sometimes. Thankfully, God and I are both aware of how much I DO love him, even when my actions speak otherwise. So now the goal is to bring my actions in line with the love that I have for God. Wow...that just sounds like work! :0) ...and it is, but it's good work.

Whatever you say, and whatever you do, do it with God's glory in mind today.

Project Control - Day 14 - prayer and supplication

Day 14 (02/08/15): We are not quite half way done, but we've made it two weeks already!!!

Last night was a first and it was cool to me so I want to share it as a source of encouragement. If you struggle with control like I do (in any area even if it isn't in as many areas), and you are looking for a light at the end of the tunnel, it IS there. Now, I suspect that this struggle will never go away. It will probably be a constant tension for me and for you, but that's what life as a Christian is. A tension between who we would be if left to our own devices and who we can be in Christ.

Anyway, Layla woke up just before 5 AM this morning. She didn't start by talking and fussing like normal...nope, it was instant screaming. Now, Pam is claiming they were happy screams...screams where she is just using her voice. Me? I'm not buying it. But then again, it was 5 AM, so I could be crazy. Anyway, the end game on this one was me going downstairs at 6:20 because I could hear her screaming and Pam had taken her down. We finally got her calmed down, which was great. The part in the middle, the cool control part, was that two of the times I woke up, the first thing I thought of was to rejoice in the Lord that I had a daughter to scream and then beg (supplication) God to help us figure out how to help her stop screaming!

Second thing that I'm working on is contentment in my career. I had talked about teaching at the college level earlier in 2014. I know that I would love it, but since my true love is history, I had to put that one on the back burner. (I consulted several Godly people, including a history professor and the advice was very sound and made sense even if it was disappointing.) In all of that, my love of teaching and making history enjoyable/interesting has not lessened. So, I have considered H.S. which I truly believe I could and would enjoy more than I ever thought I would. However, we are in NO position for me to go back to school. We aren't really in a position for me to take a cut in pay either...much less talking about school loans. So, what does a control freak do with that?

I'm taking the tact of patiently waiting on the Lord and "in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let(ting my) requests be made known to God." So, I let God know what my desire is and I wait. I research what options there are for teaching endorsements and I wait. I look for grants and scholarship that are available to those going into the education field...and I wait.

That's the hard part. Not just going and trying to make it happen. Recognizing that God has made it clear that this is NOT the time and yet recognizing that God has been growing my desire and joy in the teaching experiences I have been able to gain in the last few years.

....whatever you say and whatever you do, do it with the glory of God in mind and as your intention!

Project Control - Day 13 - rejoicing when its hard

Day 13 (02/07/15): Happy Saturday everyone!!!

This morning, I am rejoicing in the Lord. Since Phil says to do it in everything I'm working through the easy things first. "God, I praise you for our daughters and for my wife. For our home." Stuff like that. Then I have to figure out how to flex my faith muscle and thank God for...all the hard stuff.

The frustrating diesel engine across the street that starts, revs, runs for 5-10 minutes, revs, and leaves....every day. (I'm rejoicing that it isn't 5 AM anymore!)

My wife having a cold and not feeling well at all....(I'm feeling better so I can help around the house more than I could have if we'd gotten sick at the same time.)

My baby who wouldn't let me put her down for most of the 70+ minutes it was just me and her this morning....good bonding time.

The picture PowerPoint I put together for VCA's (Victory Christian Academy) fundraiser tonight was perfect timing and then we plugged it into the projector and the timing is off for both songs....I'm probably the only one that will be annoyed and I can work to let it go. God is in control not me (that's the goal anyway).

I still have chronic itching that I have had since the fall of 2009 and I have to take anti-histamines every day to keep it under control...God is in control. Not me. I want to be and make this go away, but yet it doesn't so I keep this course for now.

Rejoice in the Lord, always. Again, in case you aren't listening or think I typed wrong, I say, REJOICE!!!

Most of our problems are 1st world problems. However, even the harder things (loss of loved ones, jobs, etc.) are proof that God has kept us alive for a reason. If he has already saved us, he could just take us home to heaven...but he doesn't. So, why are we still here?? Let's ask him and listen/look constantly for answers. And then rejoice in his awesome plan that we don't understand and yet we are a part of it for a time!!

Project Control - Day 12 - making plans...but letting God run things

Day 12 (02/06/15): Learned a little lesson in control this morning. I'm kind of excited. :o)

(I thought about ending the post there and just letting you wonder but I didn't think that'd be very nice!)


OK. Valentine's Day is coming up. For those who don't know (which is probably most of you), when Pam and I first got married I couldn't surprise her for anything. I would try...but she always knew. Then, I got better at it. In truth, there isn't much to be said for learning how to better deceive your spouse except that this was in the right spirit.

So, 10+ years later I am better at it. I have plans. I was running through them again this morning to think through everything I still need to do and it suddenly dawned on me. I have no control over this. Sickness, the baby not sleeping well, the girls having a rough day, a blizzard, etc. I can't control ANY of this.

I took two key thoughts from this realization:

1. I realized that since God is in control I should just ask him about. The Bible says you have not because you ask not. I realize that this isn't important for our spiritual growth, but hopefully it can be something that gives God glory based on our attitudes and praise to him. So, I prayed through my plans and asked God to be in control of them.

2. Then I realized that giving God control is a lot about making plans and then being at peace whether they work out or not. Oh, and then looking to see how God might be trying to teach me either way. Giving God control doesn't mean we don't plan. It means we don't hold those plans in an iron grip and we allow God to work them out.

I hope that can be an encouragement to you. Happy Friday everyone!!

Project Control - Day 11 - helplessness - my REAL control issue!

Day 11 (02/05/15): Throughout this project there have been many topics of discussion. One that I've brought up a few times (plus times before the project) is one of my triggers for control issues. That is my 7 year old. When she is trying to exert control (whether she should or not) or when she is simply being a 7 year old, I have a tendency to react in a way that demands control. If you read my post about yelling at my kids the other day, that will help you to understand the response that often comes when a control freak is trying to exert control over a 7 year old. :o) It's not going to happen. First, it shouldn't in the way I have tried and, second, she doesn't even understand what I'm trying to do...much less why.

Well, let's just say that a 6 month old screaming from 4:15 - 5:45 (with about a 15 minute break while mom rocked her to sleep...and then she woke up 15 seconds after mom put her back down) is not any better than the 7 year old. It's almost worse. See, the 7 year old we can respond to and interact with. We are often both (Pam and I) frustrated with her behavior or, better still, one of us can talk reason into the other to work through the situation. With a 6 month old, though, we are both going crazy. Our nerves are frayed and we are on edge. We can't ask her what she needs. We can try everything we know to try, but when those things fail...we are simply at a loss. The unfortunate part is that then we are both on edge and we are the only two people near at hand. Not a good combo.

The good news is that I have felt MUCH more patient with Maya K this week than I have in the past. I'm reminding myself that I don't need to be in control and I'm trying to evaluate whether or not this is a control struggle or just her being a 7 year old. I'm also reminding myself that when we have conflict, my goal should always be to teach her something productive which helps me keep my voice down.

Ironically, since things have been going well with Maya K, as though I needed to keep growing and stretching in the area of a God-given self-control, the event with the 6 month old happened last night and I felt completely helpless.

THERE IT IS!!! That's the root of this control problem. I want to feel in control because I can't STAND feeling helpless. One of my greatest fears is the fear of failing. Yet, if this project has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that I have no control even when I think I do. That means that the lack of a helpless feeling because I'm "in control" is an illusion and not real. The only way to not feel helpless is to recognize that God is in control and leave it in his hands. Does that help me at 5:45 after an hour and a half of crying/fusing/screaming while lying next to someone who is as on edge as I am? Not really in that moment. But it does now, a half hour later! God IS good. I don't always see it in the moment, but he really is...all the time.

If you've read this far, would you do me a favor. Take 10 seconds of your day and find something about God to praise him for (his love, his justice, etc.) and then find something to give him thanks for that happened (or didn't happen today!!

Project Control - Day 10 - Godly men and women around us

Day 10 (02/04/15): I was thinking about the Philippians 4 passage again. Especially at the end where Paul encourages the believers to look to him as an example. To take the things he has said, taught them, and done himself, and follow that example.

So, two veins of thought. From the perspective of the Philippians and from the perspective of Paul.

From the perspective of the Philippians, we are to following the example of Paul himself. We can, I think, take that a step further and be following the example of other Godly believers too. No, they aren't apostles who have seen the risen Christ, but they are Godly men and women who have devoted themselves to the teachings of the Bible and to living that out day-to-day.

If you don't know anyone like that I would have two suggestions for you. Number 1, find someone. It shouldn't be too hard to look at the people that you know and find someone who is very Godly. Finds ways to spend time in prayer with them (prayer meeting, small group, etc.) Find ways to just talk about Scripture and the church with them. We recognize that they are not perfect, but we can learn SO much from them. Number 2, church history is FULL of men and women who loved God and lived that out. Look them up...then find some books and biographies and read about them. Let the history of our church be an encouragement to you instead of a painful process or a chore. (By the way, even if you have a Godly example in your life today, you can still go to history for even greater encouragement)

From Paul's perspective....well, none of us are apostles. We have not seen the risen Christ in body. We didn't have an experience on the side of the road where God audibly talked to us (and the people around us heard thunder) and we saw Christ. God chose to have us live in a different time of church history than the time of the apostles. So, what do we do with that? Well, the same thing as looking for modern examples to follow. We recognize that we aren't apostles (stop trying to preach new Scripture....that's heresy! :o) ) and we recognize that we are going to screw up...but we also look to Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and teach us so that we can BE that Godly example that the generations coming up behind us need so desperately.

Look at this this way, if there are young people in your life and they might have to say, "I need to look to church history because there is no great example of a Godly man or woman I can look to as an example," then you should be challenged to live your Christian life more openly so that they can see you. Yes, that means they see you fall on your face. I remember growing up and having this misconception that Christians didn't sin at all or at least not much. Why? Because, as humans, we want to show our best side. What's the problem with that? It creates a false illusion that young kids can't see through and then they have a false perception of reality. Show them the real world while you still have time to talk to them about it! It also robs our kids of HONEST mentors. (rant over)

I want to end with two verses from Galatians 1. Verse 10 says if Paul was still trying to please men (showing his better side and not being honest about his flaws??) he wouldn't be a servant of Christ. If we strive to please God, we will be honest and we WILL be the Godly examples that others can follow.

Lastly, (and I've already talked about this one during this project), verse 24 says, "and they glorified God because of me." May that be our testimony. That our life (with its ups and downs, its great moments and its screw ups) can be a life that points other Christians directly to God and causes them to glorify God!

Project Control - Day 9 - Control is just an illusion

Day 9 (02/03/15): Well, today was a pretty good day for control issues. Plenty of complacency as normal, but also great moments of being conscientious about things. Yeah!

I was thinking about a winter retreat coming up that a friend and I are speaking at. We have chosen the theme of "Control: the great illusion." Just think about it. There is NOTHING that we actually have control over. I don't have control when I drive (even my best can be wasted on a breaking car, ice, or someone else's car/driving). I don't have control over my health either. No matter what the fanatics say, anything can happen. (I admittedly have control over what I put in myself and I have that "control" but isn't the control people think it is.) People don't have control over their jobs. Ask anyone who lost their jobs after any of the historical recessions (or depressions) in this country. Ask people who lose their jobs when a specific industry slows down (mortgage industry, etc.)

I actually had this conversation with one of my co-workers today too. I know of someone whose family member thought they had the flu, when to the doctor (finally) was sent to the hospital and died that night.

Our own control is an illusion. So, why give control to a God who allows all the things i mentioned above to happen? Honestly? I trust him to know way better than I do. I trust that he is the center of the universe and not any one human being. Which means that when something seems terrible (and in that moment it really is) God isn't falling apart. He has a greater plan that works towards his honor and glory.

That's how we can say that when we are weak, then we are strong. Because it is NOT about me...or you...or the people I love or the things that are important to me. It's about God and his will. Allowing him to be in control allows me to be more productive in being a vessel that helps to fulfill his will. He doesn't need us, but he chooses to let us help. Like a parent who know that to have their child clean up the table means they'll probably have to fix it later and do more work that is necessary, but they let their child anyway so that they can grow and learn while still helping to clean the table.

Praise God for a loving, heavenly Father!!!

What am I trying to do when I yell at my child(ren)?

Yes, I am confessing something that may make some of you look at me funny. That's OK. If you are a parent without sin, you have my blessing to throw stones at me. (If you aren't a parent, sorry, tough luck! Just read and learn what not to do!)

So, what is it that I'm trying to do/accomplish when I yell at my child(ren)?

Relieving stress? - probably
Showing a huge lack of self-control? - absolutely
Acting in a loving manner towards my daughter? - never
Showing her an earthly example of her heavenly father? - not a chance
Showing her how the man she's going to marry should treat her? - unfortunately, yes. But then I'll have to kill him. By the way, for you dads with sons, you are showing them how to treat their future wives which is no better. (If your son marries my daughter, you better hope you raised him better than that....)

How about, trying to teach her anything productive? - nope

That's the problem. I am teaching, but I'm not teaching anything I want her to learn. I'm teaching that this is normal, acceptable behavior. I am teaching her that any boyfriend or husband who yells at her is doing something normal. (I get red in the face just thinking about it.) What I'm NOT teaching her is: why it's not OK to lie, why being sassy is wrong, why irritating daddy is a bad idea....those things are all true, but those lessons are lost when I start yelling.

...I have also found that when I'm not yelling (like tonight's lying session) that I get more create in the discipline...that is, I find ways to teach her something from it instead of just reacting. I also found tonight that SHE knows that when I'm not yelling I get more creative and intentional in teaching her. She looks more worried instead of defiant. Not in a scared way, but in a "this is going to 'hurt'" sort of way. :o) That makes me feel good. then I know she's learning and learning the right things.

May God grant me (and you) the self-control to teach our children the lessons we want them to learn and not the lessons that our anger teaches them!!!

Project Control - Day 8 - ups and downs

Day 8 (02/02/15): Wow. What a day. My cold is worse (mostly my fault...went out in the snow three times yesterday...but wouldn't change it!), my babies fever (and subsequent clinginess) is back, and my wife has a headache and is fighting off the same cold.

So....who really cares about control issues when you are sick and your family is a sickly mess? Oh....that's right. Me.

What I realized, is that weak and tired times are the PERFECT time to keep strong and continue trying to pay attention to how I'm allowing God to control my life. A person can do a lot of things when they are healthy, but doing it when you don't feel good is a much better test!


Anyway, I couldn't get "whatever you do, in word or deed, do all to the glory of God." I asked our young adults if they were saying and doing things with God's glory in mind today. Then I turned it around. I asked myself what I was saying or doing with God's glory in mind. It made for a good work day. I tried to be conscientious about what I said. We have a lot of sickness (hospitalization sickness) and death in the close friends and family of several of my co-workers this month so there have been a lot of hard conversations. I have always (and still do) find it difficult to talk about my faith with most of my co-workers. The ones who aren't Catholic are just as silent and some are not friendly to religious conversation. To go with it, I could technically lose my job for talking about religious things if the wrong person got offended. Yet, I still told my boss I was praying for her and her family.

On the other hand, I found myself being silent and giving generic consolation in another instance. It is so hard for me to speak out about Jesus Christ sometimes. It's hard to be a "little Christ" (Christian) when I don't talk about Christ. Yet another area of my life that needs surrendered. However, this isn't so much control as people-pleasing which is another root cause for sin and grief.

Praise God that he IS in control (whether I admit it or not) and that tomorrow is another day!!

Project Control - Day 7 - asking for advice from other parents

Day 7 (02/01/15): Alright, today requires feedback. I want thoughts, insight, and impressions from other parents out there.

What is the balance between me letting God be in control and me letting me daughter be in control? For instance, because I have such a problem with control, I know that I have often required TOO much of my daughter and been too rigid. This has often been due to my control issues and wanting absolute control....over a 7 year old...yes. I know that I'm crazy.

So, how can you tell when your child is trying to take control away that belongs rightfully to you as the parent, when is it the child exercising legitimate control over their own environment, and when is it the child just acting their age and I need to simmer down?

I'd love comments here or on Facebook. What are your thoughts?

                     (Remember, the idea here is control and giving control to God. I'm not trying to end up on either extreme with my children. I'm trying to find a Godly, healthy balance with all of this.)