Day 17 (02/11/15): Well, I had my blog post all worked out for what I was going to say...and then life happened. Never fear, that post will still happen, it'll just be tomorrow.
OK. I consider myself "emotionally immature" at times. That is, there are plenty of instances where I can handle myself and difficult situations just fine, but I reach a point where it stops. I no longer have the emotional stability to handle what is coming at me.
Context: I was already struggling last night because I'd gotten a frustrating phone call at work and had a "calm argument" that ensued. I then had two instances of crazy driving that had gotten me frustrated. Having then apologized to God for my feelings and action of road rage, I was trying to move on. However, already being uptight, Maya K and I were struggling through and after dinner. However, we went out to meet with some friends anyway and things were going well!
Then, during the course of the evening, I was told (fairly vehemently) to shut up. Now, this was someone who is older than me and who I greatly respect in many areas. So, I was taken aback to say the least. (Please note that I had not intended the frustration that I had caused, but my words had been frustrating. this person wasn't out of line per se. I had caused offense and in trying to clarify myself I instead came across and just trying to justify myself. Not my intention, but it was the legitimate interpretation taken from my words.) However, I didn't say anything. In fact, I realized that I rarely do...
It's interesting because I am usually (too) good with words and having snappy comebacks...but not in these cases. It's usually something that is causing conflict or could cause conflict. I try to often smooth things out when it is others who are struggling with each other, but i freeze when the frustration is either my own or directed at me. And you are asking, "Who cares? What does this have to do with control?" Well, I personally consider this a weakness when I usually think about it. However, today I realized that if I said all the things I'm thinking of when I'm frustrated or when someone else is frustrated with me (rightly or not) I would damage so many friendships. I simply don't think as clearly. Praise God for my inability to function socially at the times when it would get me in trouble and damage relationships that are more important to me than the moment we are dealing with.
THEN, I realized that lately, as I have been doing this blog and studying doctrine as well as church history, I have realized that there ARE things I have gotten better about taking a stand on. Character issues and moral issues for example. Things I wouldn't normally want to "argue" about and yet I know it is healthy to dialogue about them. I also know that what I believe before God is important and shouldn't be silenced just because someone (even someone I respect and look up to) disagrees with me.
Rejoice in the Lord always and rejoice in our weaknesses because, when we are weak, HE is strong!
OK. I consider myself "emotionally immature" at times. That is, there are plenty of instances where I can handle myself and difficult situations just fine, but I reach a point where it stops. I no longer have the emotional stability to handle what is coming at me.
Context: I was already struggling last night because I'd gotten a frustrating phone call at work and had a "calm argument" that ensued. I then had two instances of crazy driving that had gotten me frustrated. Having then apologized to God for my feelings and action of road rage, I was trying to move on. However, already being uptight, Maya K and I were struggling through and after dinner. However, we went out to meet with some friends anyway and things were going well!
Then, during the course of the evening, I was told (fairly vehemently) to shut up. Now, this was someone who is older than me and who I greatly respect in many areas. So, I was taken aback to say the least. (Please note that I had not intended the frustration that I had caused, but my words had been frustrating. this person wasn't out of line per se. I had caused offense and in trying to clarify myself I instead came across and just trying to justify myself. Not my intention, but it was the legitimate interpretation taken from my words.) However, I didn't say anything. In fact, I realized that I rarely do...
It's interesting because I am usually (too) good with words and having snappy comebacks...but not in these cases. It's usually something that is causing conflict or could cause conflict. I try to often smooth things out when it is others who are struggling with each other, but i freeze when the frustration is either my own or directed at me. And you are asking, "Who cares? What does this have to do with control?" Well, I personally consider this a weakness when I usually think about it. However, today I realized that if I said all the things I'm thinking of when I'm frustrated or when someone else is frustrated with me (rightly or not) I would damage so many friendships. I simply don't think as clearly. Praise God for my inability to function socially at the times when it would get me in trouble and damage relationships that are more important to me than the moment we are dealing with.
THEN, I realized that lately, as I have been doing this blog and studying doctrine as well as church history, I have realized that there ARE things I have gotten better about taking a stand on. Character issues and moral issues for example. Things I wouldn't normally want to "argue" about and yet I know it is healthy to dialogue about them. I also know that what I believe before God is important and shouldn't be silenced just because someone (even someone I respect and look up to) disagrees with me.
Rejoice in the Lord always and rejoice in our weaknesses because, when we are weak, HE is strong!
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