A control freak's walk with God - part 2

Well, this isn't going to be the part 2 that I had in mind, but God works that way sometimes.

Wanting to be in control often means wanting to simply do things my way. Sometimes I'll thank God when it's over, but often I completely forget him during the process.

We have been working on a matching grant for our adoption, as many of you know. Today someone contacted Pam to ask how much we had left to complete the grant because they wanted to help us out. Pam told them. Then she told me about the conversation.

Then, in the course of our conversation, my comment was something like, "This grant has been a different test of faith. I've had to talk to God and tell him that it is OK if he doesn't fill this grant because we want HIM to provide for our needs. We know that he may very well NOT do that through this grant. We know that he will provide for us, we just don't know how."

Then, they answered the e-mail and said how much they wanted to give toward our grant. Then Pam responded and clarified because she thought they might have mis-keyed something. Then they replied and clarified that they had NOT mis-keyed anything.

Then Pam cried.

God allowed a moment of a control freak remembering to let go to bless us in an amazing way.

Our matching grant is done. It was at 24% this morning and it is now completely DONE!!

Praise God from whom all of our blessings come!!

May the rest of you control freaks be blessed by this and encouraged to give God control. He knows so much better what is best for us than we ever could.

"Thank you God for blessing my family today. Even more so, thank you for continuing to teach me about letting go of my control issues and allowing you to be in control of my life and my family."

A control freak's walk with God - part 1

Wow. It is strange the ways that God works in our lives.Early this year I started having some pain in my throat that I hadn't had in years. It turned into sharp pain that kept me from being able to talk that led to coughing up blood. In the end I had a node on my vocal chord that was surgically removed in May.

Do I know that God was trying to get my attention about my control issues? Yes. Did he? Yes. Did it stick? No.

So, as a parent, when a child doesn't learn their lesson from one form of discipline, what do you do? Example, if they can't learn math one way, do you keep drilling them on it or do you find a different angle to explain it? (Discipline is both growth and development and for correction....not just correction.)

So, we have another incident in the same year. I have a ton of pain in my right foot that is keeping me from running and, in the right/wrong situations, causing me a lot of pain. A couple doctors visits later I'm given the choice of a cortizone shot (and come back every 3-6 months to do it again or to choose the next option) or surgery.  The doctor does the "encouragement" speech where he tells me I'll be able to bear full weight on it no problem, I'll just have a small boot, and I'll have a perfectly normal foot within 6 months. Then, as a side note he mentions that since it is my right foot I will not be able to drive for 2 weeks.

I'm sorry. What did you just say? It sounds like you said I couldn't drive.....oh....you did.....fail!

There were a number of reasons why, but the surgery happened less than a week from that appointment. So, my two weeks are done today. I wish I could tell you that it was easy OR that I'm grateful that it's done....but neither is the full truth. See, I had started saying things like, "I knew I was a control freak, but I didn't know how much of one I was." However, that wasn't enough. It took one of our young adults in S. S. mentioning some things and saying them in a certain way for all the pieces to click. I am so much of a control freak that I don't want to give God any more control than I have to and I want to keep as much as I can.

So I asked myself, "how does that fit within a life style of walking with God?" The answer is that it doesn't. I can't be who God wants me to be if I am always fighting for control.

This is part one of a series I'm planning to do. The future parts are going to look at different verses to support my argument that I can't live a control-freak lifestyle and live for god the way he intends me to. Scripture doesn't leave room for it. Then I'll plan to cap off with a "what now" post. Just because something is true does not make living it easy!

Some aggressive judgmentalism turns into a great conversation about adoption

OK. I know that my blog is called "Nate's God thoughts." This post might feel more like a "Nate's defense of his family and adoption" blog post. Trust me and bear with me to the end and you'll find God in my thoughts! I promise!

My family received a message today. Below are its contents in full (only the names have been changed to protect the innocent). Then I'll share some response and thoughts.

"So...just out of curiosity...how much money have you donated to FRED and WILMA? They have PEBBLES and BAM-BAM and one on the way. Have you matched their funds? Given them pop cans? Bought their coffee... etc??? I know that adoption is expensive, but so is having your own baby when you figure in all expenses, doctor appointments, etc. etc. etc. etc. I know that there are people willing to help you with your adoption expenses, I just wanted you to see my take on it. Yes you have 2 babies. So do I. And I had $0 financial help. If you want to adopt, that's great/superb/so exciting? I'm really hoping we can adopt in the future. But if you're not financially able to, then maybe you should reconsider. Just my point of view. Not trying to be mean, just stating my take on it."

First, my goal is not to rant. I don't know that the author of that message will ever read this. So, my audience is everyone who will. I'm not out to get sympathy either. What I desire is a good conversation about adoption. This will focus on expenses plenty, but other things as well. So, when you are done, feel free to add a comment and ask a question or add a comment. Just keep it focused and on point.

Now, while I'm certain that most of you would never have sent that message, I'm just as certain that many of you have thought some or all of this at some point and simply not known how to talk about it. Well, praise God for people like me so that we can have this conversation today!!! So, this post is for all of you who have ever thought any part of that message and wished you could have dialogued about it. (...monologue....you can comment and then it'll be a dialogue!)

My first response kind of mimics the original message: I know that having your own bio children is expensive, but so is adopting when you figure in all the expenses. Agency fees (example, so our agency works with birth mom to ensure that doctor's visits and hospital bills are paid for or getting a birth mom counseling if she is considering changing her mind about adoption and wants to pursue keeping the child or abortion), attorneys fees (finalizing the adoption, re-adoption in the case of international adoption), fees to our government, background checks, and then all those pesky fees that come extra for international adoptions specifically (international plane tickets at the last minute....twice sometimes, foreign government fees, etc.) You get the point. There is plenty there.

Now I also recognize that having your own bio children is also expensive. Now, most people either have insurance through work or medicaid to help assist with some of the doctor's visits and the hospital bills. Let's face it, kids aren't cheap for any of us. So, why should adoptive families get to ask for handouts and people having their own biological children don't get to? Maybe it's pity. I mean, clearly these people can't have their own children (very untrue stereotype by the way. True for many, but plenty others make the choice and it has nothing to do with infertility) but I don't think that's it. It was mentioned to me today that many people financially help families that are adopting because they themselves have a heart for adoption but don't have the means (or circumstance) to adopt themselves. I also want to mention total out of pocket cost once and then move on. I don't want it to be the focus. However, depending on your insurance I have gotten an idea of around $6k for costs to have a bio-child. While international and domestic are different, the thought of only paying $6k (or even $8k or $10k) out of pocket for our adoptions is amazing!

In response to waiting to adopt until you are ready....well, you probably know where I'm going with this. There ARE people who wait to have biological children until they can afford it. There are also people who wait to adopt until they can afford it. I don't personally know very many of them, but I do know they exist and I praise God for them and their financial situations. However, many people will tell you that if you wait to have children until you are ready or until you can afford them, chances are that you won't have any children at all.

Two more quick thoughts on adoption costs. These are more contextual and don't always apply, but this is just to give perspective to those wondering!

Timing: most people who have their own bio-children have a good 6-9 months to prep and plan. Sometimes longer and sometimes shorter, but you get the idea. Well, our first adoption we had more than two years and our second we had 8 days. Now, we had been doing paperwork so we knew it was coming, but we still expected 3-5 months warning, not 8 days.

Next: I have never met more generous people that families who have or are adopting. We have many, many times been financially supported by families who have adopted and by families who are in the middle of their own adoption. We have ourselves done the same thing. So, don't picture adoptive families as beggars and cheap-skates who just want your money because they can't do it themselves. We are a God-fearing, loving lot who want to love our children and many others besides! :0)

So, where is God in this conversation? He is where he has always been: in the center. Pam's blog is "Our Story of Faith and Grace." We didn't choose that because if we adopted girls we had names already picked out. No, we picked that because we knew our adoption journey would require a lot of faith and a lot of God's grace on our family. That was financial, emotional (ours and our children) and the strength to deal with different challenges than bio-parents have to deal with. Listen to me: DIFFERENT. Not harder (though at times it is) and not easier (those some things are): just different. We have never assumed we have a harder job to do we have just assumed it was different.

Last thought: God has been so good to our family. He has blessed us in more ways that we can even count anymore. So, with all of this rant, I want to give God the glory and the praise for his blessings. We are fully aware that God provides for our adoption in every way, and specifically financially. In fact, when we try to it ourselves, it usually doesn't work out very well. So, we trust God to provide for our needs. Sometimes that is extra Over Time at work for me, or a side job for Pam that we don't expect, or it is us tightening our belts more, or it is those who desire to help us out financially. All of those things are just wrapping on the present of God's grace to us. We don't praise the wrapping, we praise the one who gave the gift and his particular use of wrapping paper! So, the glory does not go to the different means by which god provided for us; we give the glory to the God who has (and continues to) provide for us!

Amen. Let it be so!

....love became unmoving when I stopped listening to God.

OK, follow me on two trains of thought for a moment:

Sidewalk Prophets has a song that is called "You can have me." Part of the lyrics are, "When did love become unmoving. When did love become unconsuming?" (It's a good question.)

Then, I was reading in Philippians in the last couple days looking for some "life lessons" and I got stuck. I got stuck in chapter 2 verse 13. "For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (ESV)

So, let's combine those. The song is a confession that my "love" for God is not a love that causes me to move and that is not consuming. It is NOT something that encompasses my whole being. it does not cause me to get up and do things.....to "work." Then, the verse says that it is God who causes the will (desire, choice, willingness, consent) and the work (the actual doing of things) for his good pleasure.

.....I'm thinking that these two things just don't go together. So, I'm thinking there must be a reason. I trust the Bible to be honest with me and tell me the truth. That's a decision I have made and it should change my life. Right? So, what gives?

One option is that the Bible did lie, but I don't accept that option.

Another option is that I am the one exception to that verse that God didn't want to take the time to write in... "...for it is God who works in you (except Nate Maxwell), both to...." Nope. That doesn't make sense.

So, the only option that makes sense to me is that God has given me free will and I'm abusing it again. In I Thess 5, as Paul is wrapping up he gives a bunch of little instructions and verse 19 has "Do not quench the Spirit." So, when the Holy Spirit is trying to get our attention, we have the free will to ignore him. I would argue that this becomes a really bad habit in fact and once we start, it gets easier and easier to do it and we may even start doing it without noticing.

So, the only way that the Bible can still be true, and that God is working in me to will and to work for his good pleasure, and yet I am not functionally loving him is for me to be quenching the Holy Spirit so that God's work in me isn't being accomplished. Not because he isn't trying to work in me or because he doesn't have a plan for me, but because I am getting in the way again. [I hate it when that happens!]

The song I mentioned above starts with, "If I saw you on the street, and you said 'come and follow me,' but I had to give up everything: all I once held dear and all of my dreams."

"God, now that I see the problem, I want to fix it. Lord, I don't want to get in the way of your work in my life. I know that your ways are higher than our ways  and your thoughts are higher than our thoughts. I don't know what tonight is going to bring, much less tomorrow. I don't know who you will bring into my life or who you will take out of my life forever. I don't know what lessons I'm going to have to learn the hard way and which ones I'll get to learn more easily. God, I want to be who you want me to be in every moment that you want me to be in. Help me not to hold on to this life so hard that I make a fool of you when it's time for me to leave. God, you don't need me, but, if you don't mind, would you be willing to use me? Would you use me to affect my family, my loved ones, and the world that you have placed me in? God. Would you work in me, both to will and to work, for your good pleasure...and please help me to get out of your way since I don't know your plans or thoughts. God, please have mercy on me. Amen [let it be so].

Is it easier when God says "Yes" or when He says "no" and/or "wait"?

First of all, I want to be honest with you...maybe you are this way too, but I usually try to REQUIRE that God tell me either "yes" or "no". Do you know what I mean? I don't want "wait" to be the answer so I try to force God into a mold of my own timing. If you don't give God the option of "wait" then you are basically say, "Tell me 'yes' now or it has to be 'no.'" How lame is that? Well it is not only lame but it is ridiculous and it only hurts me. So, hopefully you don't do that or, if you do, you are going to try to stop. Don't limit God. He know way better than you do what is best for you.

OK. So, my theory has been for a while that I prefer "no" to "yes" because it is clearer. Example: if God is saying yes, that could be "here are four choices and I will bless you in whichever you choose" (so I still have decisions to make) or "here are several choices and as you pursue them I will then close doors to help make it clearer for you what I want you to do" (well that's obviously work).

Whereas a closed door is simply a closed door. I move on. I can stop pursing that thing, I can stop wondering if it might be something I should do and I can just move forward without all the "work" of having to figure out what God wants me to do.

For those of you who are older and wiser and smiling right now, stop laughing. It isn't funny when you are young!!! :o)

What I'm realizing is that this is all well and good...as long as you don't have any vested interest in the thing that you are asking God about. If you could care less one way or the other, then a closed door is awesome. However, if have a passion for something (God given or not) then it becomes harder to be told no. That is where "wait" because a beautiful thing. See, "wait" can mean so many things. Maybe God is saying "I'll let you do the exact thing you are asking for, but after you've gone through XYZ so that you & your family are better prepared for it." Or, God could be saying, "I'm going to redirect you and save you a lot of wasted time by helping to shape your passion in this direction instead of the one that you are heading in now."

God has this awesome advantage of being...well, God. He knows everything, He is outside of time, and yet He cares enough about my life to want me to love, adore, and serve Him. He gets the glory when He gives me the ability to do the things that I want. If I have to wait for something and then I watch God work and shape me and my family in the waiting, then I get to say, "to God be the glory, great things He has done in our lives" as compared to "Look at the idea I had that God gave me the OK to do."

While "yes" is fantastic, and "no" is clear but not always what we are looking for, the true growing comes in the "wait" answers. Patience, perseverance, trust, faith in God, peace with where God has you: the list could go on and on. The benefits are huge. So, the next time you don't have a closed door, but you don't sense God saying "yes" but praise God that He might be telling you to "wait" so that you can be who He wants you to be when that "wait" becomes an "OK, now is the time."

A step....of faith or in front of a bus?

OK, so, can you tell me the difference? When is it stepping out in faith and when is it stepping out in front of a bus? Can I even know before it happens or is that something that I learn right before the *SMACK* happens?

In all seriousness though, how can a person know when they are genuinely stepping out in faith and when they are just stepping out in front of a bus?

First, I'd say that you can't REALLY know because life just likes to throw buses at us some times. You know: perfectly planned activity and then *Boom*!!! You parents know what I'm talking about and plenty of you non-parents know about it too. In fact, having a new born in our house now, I am getting that picture even more. Ironically, I'm writing this after having no power from 7 - 9:30 tonight. That's literally when we are getting the kids ready for bed and in bed. That was NOT the plan for today. :o) (Side note: I also wasn't planning to play Trouble with my 7 year old or sit and talk to my wife for a while so, really, it was a great night!)

There are things, however, we can do to try to stay on the sidewalk and stay out of the street (where the buses are lurking).

Praying to God for wisdom: James 1 tells us that if we lack wisdom we should ask God, without doubting, and he will give it to us liberally. So, all the things I'm going to list next are all useless if we are running on our knowledge only. We start by asking God for wisdom and trust that he'll provide it as we need it.

Planning ahead: We have to think ahead, plan to the best of our ability, and trust God to do the rest. That's the faith part. However, even in faith, God gave us a brain and I assume he expects us to use it. So, we plan and do the best we can, but we don't try to take control of the situation out of God's hands.

Be flexible: Since we are asking for God's wisdom, that means that we know that God is smarter than we are. So, all the plans we are going to make, we are open to having God show us how dumb they are and that none (...or some....or all) of them are going to work and that we'll need to make changes as we go. We can't get crippled by "that was my plan so it HAS to be that way now." If we do that, we are no longer trusting God, but trusting our plan to work itself out.

Knowing the right questions to ask: This is rough. You can think you have all the answers that you need, but half of the time we aren't even asking the right questions to begin with. This is key and it will make or break some plans. Either way, one of the best ones is, "God, is this what you want for my family or is it just what I want?" That's a great question to ask that I, for one, often forget to ask.

Seeking advice from Godly men and women that we trust and who God has placed in our lives: God didn't put us on Earth in an isolated bubble and expect us to re-create everything we need. If we did, I wouldn't have electricity (More than just 2.5 hours tonight), running water, a car, my Bible, etc. All of those things , someone else put it all together for me and I'm just taking advantage of their work. So, the same goes for stepping out in faith. We know people who have stepped out in faith and we know people who have done the very things we are stepping out in faith to do. So, by God's grace, we go to them and ask for their thoughts, advice, and counsel. Now, they aren't smarter than God so we don't assume they know everything. We can, however, recognize that God put them in our lives for a reason and this moment may be one of those reasons. There is a good chance they've got something to tell us that God wants us to hear.

Bus or faith. Well, sometimes walking out in faith still gets you hit by a bus. however, if you have done everything you can to make sure this is truly a step of faith and you are relying on God, then that means that when the the winds have blown and the rains have fallen (and the bus has hit you) your house will still be standing on the solid rock who is Jesus Christ. 

What is a "daddy"?

Man. this is tough. I was trying think through a "Dear birth parent" letter for Pam and I to add to our this-is-who-we-are photo book (this book is given to prospective mothers to decide if they want to meet us and have us adopt their baby).

If you take a minute and try to figure out what you would say....not easy. It's not easy to come up with the words and then the words that I think of are not easy words either. The version that I prefer started with "I'm scared of you" and talked about my jealousy as a dad when I hear my daughter talk about her "father" (as she has taken to calling her birth dad). I then went on to talk about other things too, but Pam didn't think that "I'm scared of you" was a good start. :o)

So, what is a "daddy"? What makes a dad a dad? I obviously don't think it is the blood. I know that I am a dad to Maya K and we don't share any blood at all (though you wouldn't know if you saw us spending time together). So, if it isn't in the blood and it isn't genetic, then what is it?

My father-in-law once gave a sermon about how all children should be adopted because even biological parents need to adopt their own children. This was based (if I remember correctly) on a broad definition of adoption. That being to take something that is not our own and make it our own. That is, just because a child is your own blood, does not mean that the love and relationship is there until you put in the time and energy required to make that relationship happen. If love is a choice, then it does not happen because of your genetics, it happens because someone chooses to love you.

It was really cool. For Father's Day, Maya K filled out a little form about me. So, "My daddy is as big as _______" and she filled in the blanks. (For that one, she put "a refrigerator") Here's the one that mattered though. For "I love my daddy because _____________" do you know what she put? She put "Because he loves me." How humbling is that for me? To know that she loves me and in her 7-year old mind, she recognizes that I loved her first. :o) If I hadn't loved her, what reason would she have to love me? I'd be no different than any other adult male out there, except I'd live in the same house. That's not good enough though.

OK, I'm not here to talk about how great I think I am, because I don't. What I do know though, is that God is my Daddy. He loved me first and loved me so much that I couldn't ignore it. He loved me enough that it got my attention and I said, "I love my Daddy because He loves me."

Church history and doctrine

This will be short today, but I felt like giving an idea of where I've been and some posts I hope to do in the future.

Have people always ignored history? Have we always been so attached to today that we don't think that yesterday is important enough to try to learn from it? Well, we should know better...shouldn't we?

OK, raise your hands: Who had a boring history teacher in school? Who had a great history teacher in school? For whatever reason, I find that a large majority of people who don't like history today will tell you that they didn't like their history teacher and a majority who do like history will tell you that they did like their history teacher in school. Why is that?

Because history can be incredibly boring if we don't breath life into it.

I found a quote in a large quote book that I have and it says that, "A Wise man learns by the experience of others. An ordinary man learns by his own experience. A fool learns by nobody’s experience."

Now, personally, I'm kind of glad that Hitler was a fool and he did not learn from the experiences of Napoleon in Russia. if he had, he would have probably been more prepared or patient. (your war historians can make comments, but don't rake me over the coals for over simplifying that one please! :o)

On a lesser scale, for Christians, let me ask you a question: what doctrines really matter? I mean, let's be honest; there are plenty of doctrines that Christians get into fights about that are not going to be the difference between heaven or hell. Ex: predestination. That one might change how you act in this life, but it won't change your eternal destination one bit.

So, which doctrines matter. Which ones might be the difference between heaven or hell? As a Baptist, I would say that infant baptism for saving grace vs. baptism that is a demonstration of our salvation would be the difference between heaven or hell. So, that's one. Now what?

Well, let me encourage you that it is much easier to get into church history and find some REALLY smart guys who have wrestled with things we have never even imagined. Especially as 21st century American Christians who have faced very little to no persecution. I have personally never been faced with "would I be willing to die for that belief?" So, a great source for which doctrines are important would be the doctrines that were made catholic (that is, universal) during the early years of the church when they were being burned at the stake (or sent to "fight" lions, or beheaded) for their belief in Christ. Then, if they were willing to stand up and fight for a specific doctrine or belief, you would think it would have been an important one.

As an example, I believe it was the first two instances of heresy (if not, it was two of the first few) were about the nature of Christ. One group believed he was not God and another believed he had not been human. These groups were years a part from each other, but you can see that those ideas would have been important and key to Christians and they would still be key and important to us today.


I am hoping to do a series of blogs on some of these heresies. I will probably touch on the different councils as well as many of the heresies that were addressed at these councils. No promise on the time frame of these posts, but hopefully they will be soon. :o)

Are Christians with addictions still Christians

Well, at least I'm picking easy topics lately. :o)

I can't help it really. These are things God has laid on my heart. Both for myself and for friends of mine. So, let's hit it.

First of all, if you want a little more of my background you can go back and look at my introduction post from last December. I wasn't saved as a small child, though I thought I was. I realized I had a problem when I was 19, but I covered it up with a false salvation instead of working it out. It was not until I was 24-25 that I truly starting trying to work out my faith questions and issues. Now, however, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am a Christian as the Bible means it. Simply put, Jesus did die for the whole world, but Jesus specifically died for Nathan Paul Maxwell. That's right. Jesus, being God, knew that Nate would be born in 1983, live a really screwed up life, struggle with a lot of sin (including some addictions) and he still died for me. However, I also picked up some really bad habits. Those habits turned into addictions. (If you want definitions for these, look at my last post here.

Side note: He would have died for me anyway. Whether I would have accepted him in the end or not. Like with my daughter. If she had never come to understand my love. If she had had too much trauma from an orphanage life and too many attachment issues to truly learn how to love me...I still would have done anything for her to give her the best life I could provide. 1). you may be saying "easy to say because she does love you so this is just speculation." That would be true if I had waited to love her until after I'd met and we'd seen how things were going. But I didn't. I loved her before I even knew her and before she ever knew me. Because I had made a choice to love her no matter what. Not because she might love me but because she needed to be loved. I hoped she would love me and I hoped that my own love for her would encourage her to love me, but it was no guarantee. 2). If you think I have any clue about love, imagine how our heavenly father does it. "So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love...there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment...We love because he first loved us." - excerpt from 1 John 4. There is some other great stuff in 1 John 4 too, but this is the key in my rant today. God loved us first. He chose to love us no matter what we were going to do. Did he know what we would do? Sure. He is God and outside of time and space. We still made the choice and we have decided to love God because he loved us first. :o) ...and trust me. God is MUCH better at this than I am. As much as I want to do the same thing for my daughter, I'm not perfect. But that small glimpse shows me a little bit about my relationship with God.               *side note ended*

Side note 2: for those of you who follow the idea of "irresistible grace," what do you do with Acts 7:51? How can they "resist" the Holy Spirit if we can't resist the Holy Spirit? Just curious. :o)

Jesus died to show me his love. Well....he died to save me from my sins because I could never (not then and not now) do anything to pay down the debt of my sin. Not because of how much I had done, but because I had sinned. God's holiness is that perfect.

Two things to wrap this up. Can you be saved while having an addiction and, if you don't immediately replace that addiction, can you lose your salvation. (See, it is actually a really simple topic.)

Eph 2:8-9. If we had to get rid of our addictions before being saved, then it would be "of works" and not of grace that we were saved. Simple as that. So, let's be honest. If you want to "fix" something before going to God then you are dealing with pride. Pride in your desire to have to do something before God will accept you.

Romans 8:38-39. Once you are in Jesus' hands, there is nothing that can take you out. Unfortunately for the one with an addiction that they don't want to get rid of, that includes yourself. Now, if you are saved and recognize what God has done for you and his love for you, will you truly have an addiction and not want to get rid of it? I would question that more. Paul, in Romans 7, has true remorse for what he does and doesn't do that he shouldn't and should do. He's doing the opposite of what is right in some area of his life and he knows it is wrong and calls it a battle. He doesn't give in to that. he fights and resists that.

One more thought from 1 John 4 because this struck me as I was looking it up this morning for the earlier section. Sometimes, I think we have a fear of going to God to confess our sin after we've already done that so many times. It feels like, "God....well....you know. I've said this to you a million times before. I truly mean it...but if I meant it, would I have done it again? I am obviously confessing, but if I was repenting (to change your mind about something) would I still be here again? If I was confessing my sin like 1 John 1:9 says to, and admitting that it is sin in the way that you see it, would I still be doing it? if I saw it as ugly and disgusting as you see would I still do it?" Anyway, in those moments, do we know that God loves us or do we fear that he judge us? This is that fear of losing your salvation again. (I mean, as a parent, would you be angry if your child repeatedly broke some rule of yours and kept saying they were sorry and would never do it again, but they then did it again?) 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." When this talks about punishment, it is talking about the judgment when we go before God. We will NOT be condemned because of our sin and if we think we will, then we don't understand love. Having said that, we need to have a fear of God.

I'll close with this: God loves his children. That should scare the Christian with an addiction. because, if you love your children you are going to do what is best for them. If you see them getting into something that is ultimately going to hurt or destroy them, you are going to do whatever you can to keep them safe or help them through it. Now, take that concept and give it to a God with limitless resources, timelessness, complete knowledge, and the ability to be anywhere and everywhere at all times. It usually hurts to fight addiction and it is painful to resist something that you've spent more years living with than without. But, God loves us. It would be truly unloving to leave us where we are at and leave us with a sin that will destroy us.

Christians sin habitually/have addictions

If I say, Christians sin habitually, I'm guessing you are either thinking "Of course" or "No way!!"

Let's define some terms first. I have taken the foundation for all of these from Dictionary.com.

1. Christian: "of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to (a) religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ." - I would add to this that m definition is more narrow. That is that a Christian is a person who desires to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. So, they seek to know who Jesus - the historical figure - was, what his teachings were, and how they can model their lives after his life and teachings.

2. Sin: "Transgression of divine law...especially a willful or deliberate violation of (a) religious or moral principle." Sin is universal. Even those who are not Christians sin. If they have a moral code for themselves and they break that moral code, it is sin. Again, to narrow this a little more, as a follower of Christ, or Christian, this would be a willful act of disobeying the commands of Jesus Christ. As a reminder; Jesus gave us things to do and things not to do. I know that the outside impression of Christianity is just a bunch of rules to follow, but it is more than that....but it is also that - to a degree. Just keep this in mind.

Habit: "An acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary."

So, Christians sin habitually. That's my premise. If you want to argue, I can tell you that I struggle with some habitual sins so I can at least prove that a Christian sins habitually. :o)

Now what? One last definition for you.

Addiction: "The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation (to stop) causes severe trauma."

OK, now that I'm pointing at the elephant in the room, let's talk about it. If you would tell me that anyone who has an addiction is not a Christian, I would tell you that you don't know your Christian friends well enough. I would also argue that you are claiming Paul is not a Christian. I know some people interpret Romans 7 a certain way, but, since this is my blog, we are going to take it as it is. Romans 7 is the section where Paul says a few times that the things he knows to do, he doesn't do; and the things he knows not to do, he does. That sounds like a problem to me. If we then look at Romans 8 we see a great reality. Here is a little snipit of Romans 8.

 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8 1-4

There it is. Because of Jesus Christ, we are not eternally condemned for our sin. Paul says this within the context of mentioning his own "willful" sin.

So, now what. Since we aren't condemned for our sin, do we just wallow in it? God forbid. There are many places we could turn to in order to see that this isn't the case. Paul himself addressed this in saying that we should not sin more so that God's grace could be poured on us. That doesn't make sense to anyone who is being honest with themselves anyway.

Another thought: what motivates us to stop sinning. What is the motivation to break addiction and change these habits-of-sin into habits-of-relationship-with-God?

Is my motivation my wife? Is it my daughter? My job? My ministries? My health? My desire to not be enslaved to sin anymore? Notice the one word found in all of those sentences: My. This is very me focused. Even if you want to argue that thinking about other people isn't self-centered....this is still a self-centered approach to breaking a habit. In fact, how often is our main motivation to stop sinning a desire to feel better about ourselves and to stop feeling guilty for our sin? Is that a problem? Kind of...it ignores the relationship.

When I work with M.K. about things to do that are right and ways to not be selfish she can respond in a few ways. She can obey simply because she knows that's what I want and for no other reason. She can obey because she doesn't want to get in trouble. Those are legitimate ways to obey. Sometimes though, she responds and obeys because she know that we love her and want whats best for her. I want to have a deep relationship with my daughter and part of that is that we do things for each other to show our love. Sometimes I'll let her have XYZ because I know that she enjoys it. Sometimes she will do XYZ chore without us telling her to because she knows that it will please us. (Not in those words, but that's the idea in her mind.) Trust me everyone: God is a MUCH better father than I will ever be. He wants a relationship and he wants that to be a motivation for us.

So, the verse that drove most of this thinking for me is 2 Cor 7:10. "...Godly grief produces repentance that leads to salvation without regret..." First, the commentaries I've read (anyone with original language knowledge can correct me if this is wrong) have said that this grief that comes from God is a "remorse caused by having lost God's approval" and that the repentance then is "the consequent resolve to reverse one's conduct and live for God."

See, when we sin, God isn't angry at us. If that's your image, get it out of your head. God hates sin, he loves sinners. He sent his son to die for sinners. No, God loves us and when we recognize that we have lost God's approval and desire to have that back, that motivates us to continue in the struggle against our sin.

Another practical piece. If your motivation is all the things I listed first (spouse, children, work, ministry, etc.); every one of those things can be taken from you. Every one of those things is confined by space and time so that they aren't always with you even when they are in your life. So you can have moments of slipping and sinning "against" them. However, God is outside space and time and he is always with us. What better motivator than to not want to sin against someone you can't get away from? :o) (I know, kind of creepy and yet reassuring at the same time.)

So, Christians have addictions. Guess what. Christians are people too...and God loves people. 

Love is just a bunch of emotions...

OK. Love isn't just about emotions. In fact, true love has nothing to do (directly with emotions). Although, if a person is acting in true love, emotions will join the party eventually :o)

Let's look at a list of things that the Apostle Paul says about love. We have things that love is, things that love does, things that love is not, things that love does not do, and one that about love that never changes.

Love is: patient and kind

Well. I'm already done. I can do kind (and I would say that I am usually pretty good at being kind) but man I am not a patient person. In fact, why be patient if I can get it done faster? However, when my daughter has a question...and it's the same one I've heard six times today...love is patient and kind. It doesn't mean there isn't a consequence if she's been told not to ask anymore. It simply means that my job is to be patient and kind towards her. Wow. That's convicting. So....let's talk about something else.

Love does: rejoice in the truth, bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. This is a tough list. We don't use all these words very often so let's talk about it. First, you wouldn't think it'd be hard to "rejoice in the truth" but...the truth is that you were speeding, which is illegal, so you deserve the speeding ticket. It is not the cops fault because he/she was there and should have been there. It is your fault for breaking the law. That's tough. I have been talking to my daughter about yelling lately. Not her yelling, me yelling at/towards her. I've told her that there is no circumstance where I should ever yell at her because I'm frustrated or angry. Period. No exception. (Dad's - think of it this way. if it was her boyfriend and you walked in to him yelling at her while clearly looking angry. Would you ask him what she did wrong or punch him in the face? My point is proved.) So, if I do yell (which I have and I have apologized and asked her for forgiveness) and she looks at me and says, "Daddy, you shouldn't yell at me when you are mad." That would be truth that I should rejoice in because my daughter knows the truth. Ouch.
Bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things. I would challenge you to type "Define bear" into Google and look at the dictionary.com verb definition. Do that for all the words. There are a lot of things in this. The one that is sticking out to me right now is that I should be assuming the best in people. I shouldn't assume my daughter is trying to irritate me with that sound. And, when I say, "------, make a different sound please" ....and she does. She isn't trying to irritate me: she's six and a literalist. BUT, am I assuming the best about everyone I claim to love?

Love is not: Arrogant, rude, irritable, or resentful. Wow. We could do this for an hour or more. It'd be painful and if you were honest with yourself we would all of us (whether you are a follower of Christ or not: ALL of us) would say that we are not very loving people. EVEN to the people we say "I love you" to.

Love does not: Envy (to see someone else's good things and wish they were yours), boast, insist on its own way, or rejoice in wrongdoing. Again. It's so easy to fail at being loving in these areas. I have family that is a little more well off than I am. It's easy around Christmas to hear about their blessings and wish I had some of that. I know people who are my age who are much more established in their careers of choice than I am and I can become discontent. OR, I can remember that I love them and I'm very happy for where God has put them in life.

Lastly, something about love that never changes: it doesn't end. True love, a love that does all the stuff above....it doesn't end. You may wonder how love doesn't end, but look at the list again. It isn't about our emotions and how we feel. it's about choices. It is self-control and self-control. To do and not do things that are more natural than would be loving. A lot of that list feels like, "Whatever you would naturally do if you weren't thinking and instead were just acting on impulse...do the opposite and that will be love."

Thankfully though, it's not that bad. The other nice thing is that it isn't always self-control and it isn't always work. God brings in all the emotions that we expect from love, but since they are based on decisions and choices we've made, there is a much better foundation. So that I can still tell my daughter I love her....even if we don't like each other in that moment. Because I'd still punch her boyfriend if he yelled at her, get between her and a moving car, and do everything I can to make her future as bright as possible.....even if that sound she is making makes me want to rip my beard out. :o)


One more note and then I'm done. 1 John has plenty to say about love. Love is from God, for example. The one I just want to mention is 1 John 4:16. "God is love." I know that's out of context and I don't have the time to give it all, but everything in this post: God does it without fail. (Maybe I'll post about justice sometime to help with the frustrations that gave to some of you, but I can't add it tonight.) He loves us perfectly and it never ends. That's comforting to me.

How many degrees....

Did you catch this "degrees" thing? Maybe it's more popular than I knew...or even less. I heard about it a year or two ago. I remember hearing it as "degrees of Bacon." That is, how many degrees are you removed from Kevin Bacon. So, I know a guy, who knows someone who knows the janitor who worked on the set of XYZ movie that Kevin Bacon was in. Then I'm 4 degrees removed from Kevin Bacon.

More practically, do you know anyone who volunteers for a local political party. You are probably only 3-5 degrees removed from the president. Do you know anyone who is a consultant for local government or businesses? You are probably only 2-3 degrees away from the national political scene or very big business executives. Does that affect your life at all? No. It's just a way for unimportant people to feel more important  (I'm sorry if this is a fad that you love(d)!)....or (to be more sensitive) for people to have fun with their free time. :o)

What really hit me today is that I'm usually only 2-3 degrees away from "I don't understand" when I think about God or the truth in the Bible.

Ex: Why does God love me? The Bible says that God IS love and that he loves everyone. OK, but I don't understand that concept at all. Great, only two degrees.

Ex: God may love everyone, because He is love, but He is also just and so sin must be paid for. I understand that means that a person must accept God's salvation (Jesus' death for them) or they will have to pay the debt for their sin in eternity instead of Jesus' blood covering their sin for them. But....why was that how God chose to do it? I don't understand.

Ex: I don't understand why God waited thousands of years to send the Messiah instead of just doing it from the start. I don't understand why we've had thousands of years without Christ's 2nd return and the fulfillment of the Bible's remaining promises. (I'm zero degrees removed from those....if that's possible.)

Ex: I know that because Jesus died for me my life should be changed (and in MANY ways it is) but there are areas where there is little or no change. But God still loves me. I don't understand.

Ex: The Bible talks about a trinity. One God....three parts...that are completely separate.....I don't understand. That's 1 degree.

Ex: God shows us grace. That is, he gives us things that we don't deserve (I tried explaining this to a 6 year old this week....wow....). I understand a little of what that means simply by interacting with my daughter. However, I also see her willful disobedience and I know how frustrated I get and how grace and mercy are far from my mind. Then I think about MY willful disobedience toward God.....and I don't understand. He has grace upon grace. In math terms, he has grace to the grace degree. It doesn't mean that he doesn't discipline us, but it does mean that he always has enough grace for us. Mercy, forgiveness, patience, justice, etc.

I don't understand.

So, how many degrees are you removed from "I don't understand"?

Happy New Year everyone!