Day 11 (02/05/15): Throughout this project there have been many topics of discussion. One that I've brought up a few times (plus times before the project) is one of my triggers for control issues. That is my 7 year old. When she is trying to exert control (whether she should or not) or when she is simply being a 7 year old, I have a tendency to react in a way that demands control. If you read my post about yelling at my kids the other day, that will help you to understand the response that often comes when a control freak is trying to exert control over a 7 year old. :o) It's not going to happen. First, it shouldn't in the way I have tried and, second, she doesn't even understand what I'm trying to do...much less why.
Well, let's just say that a 6 month old screaming from 4:15 - 5:45 (with about a 15 minute break while mom rocked her to sleep...and then she woke up 15 seconds after mom put her back down) is not any better than the 7 year old. It's almost worse. See, the 7 year old we can respond to and interact with. We are often both (Pam and I) frustrated with her behavior or, better still, one of us can talk reason into the other to work through the situation. With a 6 month old, though, we are both going crazy. Our nerves are frayed and we are on edge. We can't ask her what she needs. We can try everything we know to try, but when those things fail...we are simply at a loss. The unfortunate part is that then we are both on edge and we are the only two people near at hand. Not a good combo.
The good news is that I have felt MUCH more patient with Maya K this week than I have in the past. I'm reminding myself that I don't need to be in control and I'm trying to evaluate whether or not this is a control struggle or just her being a 7 year old. I'm also reminding myself that when we have conflict, my goal should always be to teach her something productive which helps me keep my voice down.
Ironically, since things have been going well with Maya K, as though I needed to keep growing and stretching in the area of a God-given self-control, the event with the 6 month old happened last night and I felt completely helpless.
THERE IT IS!!! That's the root of this control problem. I want to feel in control because I can't STAND feeling helpless. One of my greatest fears is the fear of failing. Yet, if this project has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that I have no control even when I think I do. That means that the lack of a helpless feeling because I'm "in control" is an illusion and not real. The only way to not feel helpless is to recognize that God is in control and leave it in his hands. Does that help me at 5:45 after an hour and a half of crying/fusing/screaming while lying next to someone who is as on edge as I am? Not really in that moment. But it does now, a half hour later! God IS good. I don't always see it in the moment, but he really is...all the time.
If you've read this far, would you do me a favor. Take 10 seconds of your day and find something about God to praise him for (his love, his justice, etc.) and then find something to give him thanks for that happened (or didn't happen today!!
Well, let's just say that a 6 month old screaming from 4:15 - 5:45 (with about a 15 minute break while mom rocked her to sleep...and then she woke up 15 seconds after mom put her back down) is not any better than the 7 year old. It's almost worse. See, the 7 year old we can respond to and interact with. We are often both (Pam and I) frustrated with her behavior or, better still, one of us can talk reason into the other to work through the situation. With a 6 month old, though, we are both going crazy. Our nerves are frayed and we are on edge. We can't ask her what she needs. We can try everything we know to try, but when those things fail...we are simply at a loss. The unfortunate part is that then we are both on edge and we are the only two people near at hand. Not a good combo.
The good news is that I have felt MUCH more patient with Maya K this week than I have in the past. I'm reminding myself that I don't need to be in control and I'm trying to evaluate whether or not this is a control struggle or just her being a 7 year old. I'm also reminding myself that when we have conflict, my goal should always be to teach her something productive which helps me keep my voice down.
Ironically, since things have been going well with Maya K, as though I needed to keep growing and stretching in the area of a God-given self-control, the event with the 6 month old happened last night and I felt completely helpless.
THERE IT IS!!! That's the root of this control problem. I want to feel in control because I can't STAND feeling helpless. One of my greatest fears is the fear of failing. Yet, if this project has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that I have no control even when I think I do. That means that the lack of a helpless feeling because I'm "in control" is an illusion and not real. The only way to not feel helpless is to recognize that God is in control and leave it in his hands. Does that help me at 5:45 after an hour and a half of crying/fusing/screaming while lying next to someone who is as on edge as I am? Not really in that moment. But it does now, a half hour later! God IS good. I don't always see it in the moment, but he really is...all the time.
If you've read this far, would you do me a favor. Take 10 seconds of your day and find something about God to praise him for (his love, his justice, etc.) and then find something to give him thanks for that happened (or didn't happen today!!
No comments:
Post a Comment