The last couple days I've posted on respect for authority and respect for life.
Today I want to wrap this little mini-series up by talking about respect (in general) and responsibility.
Respect and courtesy. Where in the world did this go?? If you look at my post on respect for authority, I linked to an article about a man who was pulled over while carrying a concealed weapon. He was respectful from the first moment and his exchange with the police was a positive one.
Why do we have to be aggressive and offensive in our posture and language? Why do we have to assume that people are out to get us and not just be neutral toward strangers? Even a neutral attitude is better than an aggressive one.
Admittedly, I know more people who are generally respectful to each other than I know ones who are not. I see and hear stories from friends and co-workers that spur this line of my post. It's a younger generation: a generation that does not feel the need to be respectful toward anyone yet expects respect be shown to them and is belligerent when someone dares to not show them the respect they "deserve." I remember feeling and acting this way when I was younger too and thank God I was rarely (if ever) in the situations that could have turned that attitude into real-world problems (police shootings, fights at school, fights on the street, etc.)
When you see someone driving really slow do you try to consider what their day may have been like? Do you consider what life has thrown their way? Or do you just get angry because, whatever else, they are ruining your moment in time - and heaven forbid that any of your moments be ruined! *sarcasm*
Here's the irony. When we tell our kids that "respect has to be earned" (which is true) do we ever tell them how to earn it? Do we ever lay out for them what is needed to earn respect from others or do we just tell them that they have to earn it and then leave them guessing about how to do that? My argument is that to earn respect one must first be respectful. Showing respect will not always cause the other person to respect you in turn, but 99% of the time it at least not escalate the situation. Most of the time it will earn you respect; especially as you show the people around you that you live a lifestyle of respecting others.
Responsibility. When did we (as a society and individually) stop taking responsibility for our own actions? This goes back to my post on authority too. Do you blame the officer for pulling you over or do you admit that you were speeding and wrong? Do you assume that if someone honks at you that they are angry and wrong or do you first check to see if you've done something wrong?
All of the police shootings lately. Here is one issue I have. Most people who are taking sides want to demand responsibility for the person they disagree with and then expect none from the person they are supporting. What? You are going to just excuse everything away from one side and demand full responsibility from the other?? Do you understand that every time we do that we are enabling these kids to maintain a lifestyle of non-responsibility!! Not only that, but all the kids watching these situations are learning the same lesson.
That isn't real life people. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but I rarely find life to be one-sided like that. When my wife gets angry with me: guess what - I've been doing things that were not communicating well or (never me) even antagonistic. I'm not innocent. Even silence when I should be talking is my responsibility. Same with my daughters, my extended family, and my friends. Even if, on the outside, they look 100% responsible, I am confident that most of the time I hold responsibility in some way. Maybe I could have diffused the situation with a little respect. Maybe I could have kept my cool at a certain moment and allowed things to resolve faster. Maybe my example of anger to my daughter has been teaching her bad habits so I have responsibility in that.
My point is not that I spend my whole life questioning my actions or excusing other people's actions. When my daughter acts in anger, she is help accountable and we deal with it. However, when I act in anger the same is true. (I have stood in time out, holding my 8 year old, because while she was not appropriate, I had done things to antagonize as well and I held myself accountable.) What is DOES mean, is that when I am in a moment of tension or a moment of restitution, I will never just assume that I have no responsibility in the matter. I might not have any...but I'm going to think carefully through the event(s) to ensure that I don't or to find where I do so that I can keep myself accountable. It's clear to me that if society agrees with my cause or my argument they WON'T keep me accountable so it becomes my responsibility to do it.
When we don't make our children apologize when they are wrong just because the other child was more wrong...when we don't make our children apologize for what they have done: we enable them and their behavior.
"The answer to one extreme is almost never to opposite extreme." - Balance is the reality of our lives. We are not living in bubbles where only one person is responsible for conflict and, therefore, conflict resolution (again, sometimes - but rarely). We all must take part. So let's stop enabling our young people to feel that they need not take any responsibility and let's not enable ourselves to do that either.
To God be the glory.
Today I want to wrap this little mini-series up by talking about respect (in general) and responsibility.
Respect and courtesy. Where in the world did this go?? If you look at my post on respect for authority, I linked to an article about a man who was pulled over while carrying a concealed weapon. He was respectful from the first moment and his exchange with the police was a positive one.
Why do we have to be aggressive and offensive in our posture and language? Why do we have to assume that people are out to get us and not just be neutral toward strangers? Even a neutral attitude is better than an aggressive one.
Admittedly, I know more people who are generally respectful to each other than I know ones who are not. I see and hear stories from friends and co-workers that spur this line of my post. It's a younger generation: a generation that does not feel the need to be respectful toward anyone yet expects respect be shown to them and is belligerent when someone dares to not show them the respect they "deserve." I remember feeling and acting this way when I was younger too and thank God I was rarely (if ever) in the situations that could have turned that attitude into real-world problems (police shootings, fights at school, fights on the street, etc.)
When you see someone driving really slow do you try to consider what their day may have been like? Do you consider what life has thrown their way? Or do you just get angry because, whatever else, they are ruining your moment in time - and heaven forbid that any of your moments be ruined! *sarcasm*
Here's the irony. When we tell our kids that "respect has to be earned" (which is true) do we ever tell them how to earn it? Do we ever lay out for them what is needed to earn respect from others or do we just tell them that they have to earn it and then leave them guessing about how to do that? My argument is that to earn respect one must first be respectful. Showing respect will not always cause the other person to respect you in turn, but 99% of the time it at least not escalate the situation. Most of the time it will earn you respect; especially as you show the people around you that you live a lifestyle of respecting others.
Responsibility. When did we (as a society and individually) stop taking responsibility for our own actions? This goes back to my post on authority too. Do you blame the officer for pulling you over or do you admit that you were speeding and wrong? Do you assume that if someone honks at you that they are angry and wrong or do you first check to see if you've done something wrong?
All of the police shootings lately. Here is one issue I have. Most people who are taking sides want to demand responsibility for the person they disagree with and then expect none from the person they are supporting. What? You are going to just excuse everything away from one side and demand full responsibility from the other?? Do you understand that every time we do that we are enabling these kids to maintain a lifestyle of non-responsibility!! Not only that, but all the kids watching these situations are learning the same lesson.
That isn't real life people. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but I rarely find life to be one-sided like that. When my wife gets angry with me: guess what - I've been doing things that were not communicating well or (never me) even antagonistic. I'm not innocent. Even silence when I should be talking is my responsibility. Same with my daughters, my extended family, and my friends. Even if, on the outside, they look 100% responsible, I am confident that most of the time I hold responsibility in some way. Maybe I could have diffused the situation with a little respect. Maybe I could have kept my cool at a certain moment and allowed things to resolve faster. Maybe my example of anger to my daughter has been teaching her bad habits so I have responsibility in that.
My point is not that I spend my whole life questioning my actions or excusing other people's actions. When my daughter acts in anger, she is help accountable and we deal with it. However, when I act in anger the same is true. (I have stood in time out, holding my 8 year old, because while she was not appropriate, I had done things to antagonize as well and I held myself accountable.) What is DOES mean, is that when I am in a moment of tension or a moment of restitution, I will never just assume that I have no responsibility in the matter. I might not have any...but I'm going to think carefully through the event(s) to ensure that I don't or to find where I do so that I can keep myself accountable. It's clear to me that if society agrees with my cause or my argument they WON'T keep me accountable so it becomes my responsibility to do it.
When we don't make our children apologize when they are wrong just because the other child was more wrong...when we don't make our children apologize for what they have done: we enable them and their behavior.
"The answer to one extreme is almost never to opposite extreme." - Balance is the reality of our lives. We are not living in bubbles where only one person is responsible for conflict and, therefore, conflict resolution (again, sometimes - but rarely). We all must take part. So let's stop enabling our young people to feel that they need not take any responsibility and let's not enable ourselves to do that either.
To God be the glory.
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