In the last year I have heard at least 1 sermon and had several conversations where a person has casually pointed out that men who are in their 30s and still playing video games haven't grown. They say it in a way that allows the hearers to infer that these men can't be good fathers or husbands because they can't grow up or be responsible.
This has never felt quite right to me, no more than any other "blanket" statement does. Yet, because I was part of their demographic, I kind of just assumed I was being defensive and that was why it didn't feel right.
It was after the sermon that I finally said something to my wife and we had a dialogue about it. Part of this blog comes from that conversation.
However, the other part was just something I was reminded of yesterday as I talked through some things with my wife. So, here we go.
This is an unfair assessment. Now, the same people who assume that guys who play video games in their 30s can't grow up will think the same thing about guys who still read comics. OK, what about the guy who watches football every Sunday afternoon and Monday night. What about the guy who is spending his evening looking up the highlights of the baseball games he missed? (I am picking on sports because I have rarely heard this mentioned, but I've heard video games mentioned by sports fans fairly often.)
All of these are OK pastimes...but yet none of them are! What do I mean? Well, simple. Can you disengage from what you are doing at the drop of a hat? If your child suddenly hurts themselves, can you stop what you are doing and not engage them angrily because you are missing something you want to do and they are the direct cause of you missing that? Can you consciously consider whether or not your wife needs you to spend an hour of your evening helping her around the house (or, heaven forbid, just talking) instead of doing your pastime? Or do you assume that certain times, without exception, will always be times that you get to do XYZ?
Problem with men in their 30s who play video games and can't grow up isn't the video games. It's that they are men in their 30s who can't grow up. These two things don't have to be synonymous. Are they sometimes synonymous? Absolutely. The frustration to me is that our culture more readily accepts the sports junkie who also doesn't grow up and therefore it is OK to be that kind of 30 year old who hasn't grown up...who doesn't engage with his children when needed...who can't see when he needs to skip a game to help or be with his wife because the game is what matters right now.
If you are anything like me then you have to be doubly aware. I tend toward addiction and I tend toward being frustrated when I get frustrated when I am interrupted and I've been focusing. Guess what? That means that if I am reading a really good book, I will probably be a really bad Dad because I'm going to be frustrated when Maya K interrupts me. Is the problem the book? No. the problem is me. So, I limit my reading when the girls are awake and, when I'm at my best, I don't play any video games when they are awake. It's that simple.
I understand the stigma. The stigma that 30+ men aren't growing up. However, if you attach that stigma to men who still play video games you are actually missing the point and not helping them grow up. Guilt-ing someone to get them stop playing video games doesn't magically make them grow up because the video games aren't the problem. It's the not growing up that's the problem.
So, men! Whatever your pastime is, you can still grow up, be the man, husband, and father you are meant to be. The wedding vows where you said you'd be there for her. The heart throb when you held your child for the first time and knew that you'd kill the first guy who wanted to date her....oh....sorry...that's just me. I meant, the love you felt for your child the first time you held them and sure knowledge that you would do anything for them! Those commitments cannot be sidelined for any pastime.
To God be the glory!
This has never felt quite right to me, no more than any other "blanket" statement does. Yet, because I was part of their demographic, I kind of just assumed I was being defensive and that was why it didn't feel right.
It was after the sermon that I finally said something to my wife and we had a dialogue about it. Part of this blog comes from that conversation.
However, the other part was just something I was reminded of yesterday as I talked through some things with my wife. So, here we go.
This is an unfair assessment. Now, the same people who assume that guys who play video games in their 30s can't grow up will think the same thing about guys who still read comics. OK, what about the guy who watches football every Sunday afternoon and Monday night. What about the guy who is spending his evening looking up the highlights of the baseball games he missed? (I am picking on sports because I have rarely heard this mentioned, but I've heard video games mentioned by sports fans fairly often.)
All of these are OK pastimes...but yet none of them are! What do I mean? Well, simple. Can you disengage from what you are doing at the drop of a hat? If your child suddenly hurts themselves, can you stop what you are doing and not engage them angrily because you are missing something you want to do and they are the direct cause of you missing that? Can you consciously consider whether or not your wife needs you to spend an hour of your evening helping her around the house (or, heaven forbid, just talking) instead of doing your pastime? Or do you assume that certain times, without exception, will always be times that you get to do XYZ?
Problem with men in their 30s who play video games and can't grow up isn't the video games. It's that they are men in their 30s who can't grow up. These two things don't have to be synonymous. Are they sometimes synonymous? Absolutely. The frustration to me is that our culture more readily accepts the sports junkie who also doesn't grow up and therefore it is OK to be that kind of 30 year old who hasn't grown up...who doesn't engage with his children when needed...who can't see when he needs to skip a game to help or be with his wife because the game is what matters right now.
If you are anything like me then you have to be doubly aware. I tend toward addiction and I tend toward being frustrated when I get frustrated when I am interrupted and I've been focusing. Guess what? That means that if I am reading a really good book, I will probably be a really bad Dad because I'm going to be frustrated when Maya K interrupts me. Is the problem the book? No. the problem is me. So, I limit my reading when the girls are awake and, when I'm at my best, I don't play any video games when they are awake. It's that simple.
I understand the stigma. The stigma that 30+ men aren't growing up. However, if you attach that stigma to men who still play video games you are actually missing the point and not helping them grow up. Guilt-ing someone to get them stop playing video games doesn't magically make them grow up because the video games aren't the problem. It's the not growing up that's the problem.
So, men! Whatever your pastime is, you can still grow up, be the man, husband, and father you are meant to be. The wedding vows where you said you'd be there for her. The heart throb when you held your child for the first time and knew that you'd kill the first guy who wanted to date her....oh....sorry...that's just me. I meant, the love you felt for your child the first time you held them and sure knowledge that you would do anything for them! Those commitments cannot be sidelined for any pastime.
To God be the glory!
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