Do you remember having nightmares as a kid? I had two recurring ones. One where I was running, fell in a hole, and the hole was full of ants. The other involved being in a really big building, like a church or something, and one giant queen ant talking to me and trying to hunt me down.
Yeah, I know. Creepy. You think that was bad. You have no idea.
I woke up this morning from a dream/nightmare. I had killed two close friends of mine. I had seen the child of one of them mourn for their father while not being able to tell anyone what I had done. I had considered telling my wife, but I couldn't because I didn't know why I had done it. So, without an answer I felt that I had to maintain the illusion of innocence.
This was so bad, in fact, that I woke up just after 5, went to the restroom, came back to bed, and hadn't been able to convince myself that it hadn't actually happened. I had to sleep again, wake up, and clear my head more before I could even know that it had been a dream.
The sense of guilt, shame, remorse, and confusion was palpable. I don't remember a time in my adult life that I have had a dream that was this potent and hard to handle.
*if you are reading this and you are a psychologist, please keep your opinions to yourself. I'm sure this suggests a really wacky psyche...but we already knew that.* :0)
OK. So, that is creepy...but why share it? I have three reasons.
1. Ephesians 6:12 - "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood..." Thanks to the Enlightenment and the culture of modern America, you get looked at funny to say that you think there is spiritual warfare. OK, then look at me funny! I have spent the last 2 weeks or so really working to focus in on my relationship with God and with my family in a way that I don't think I ever have. The number of things that have gone wrong or been off during this time has not just been a few. So, I remind myself of Eph. 6:12 but I don't stop there. I remind myself even more of Eph 6:13-18. Verse 12 isn't meant to scare us. It is simple a reality check and verses 13 and following are meant to remind and encourage us of the tools that we have to fight back. Praise God!
2. As I finally got out of the fuzziness of my mind and was awakened to reality, I began to reflect. I am grateful for the life that God has given me. There are many things that I regret and many things that I would change if I could...and yet I am the sum whole of all of the experiences of my life. Both good and bad. Ones that God intended for me and ones that I did that he didn't intend for me. They make me who I am. (This is not license to sin. It is a reality check and no more.) So, I reminded myself that even if the dream had been real (which it felt completely real) Christ still would have died on the cross. So, my reminder was that A) when Christ died, ALL of my sins were future sins and B) there is no sin that is greater than the cross of Jesus Christ! Praise God!
3. This event also caused me to remember that I need to run to Christ so much more than I do. When I woke up the last time I was praying within minutes. Praying that this dream wouldn't ruin my day or control my day. I've had a few dreams in the last few years that were hard to emotionally snap out of and makes for a hard *read "terrible* day for my family. I didn't want that. The lesson, though, was simply that in the big things and in the little things I ought to be running to prayer, running to the Bible, and remembering that since God is outside of time, he knew I'd have this dream before I had it and he caused (or allowed) it. So, how am I going to pursue him more because of it instead of letting it create a wedge between us or between me and the people around me!
To God be the glory!
Yeah, I know. Creepy. You think that was bad. You have no idea.
I woke up this morning from a dream/nightmare. I had killed two close friends of mine. I had seen the child of one of them mourn for their father while not being able to tell anyone what I had done. I had considered telling my wife, but I couldn't because I didn't know why I had done it. So, without an answer I felt that I had to maintain the illusion of innocence.
This was so bad, in fact, that I woke up just after 5, went to the restroom, came back to bed, and hadn't been able to convince myself that it hadn't actually happened. I had to sleep again, wake up, and clear my head more before I could even know that it had been a dream.
The sense of guilt, shame, remorse, and confusion was palpable. I don't remember a time in my adult life that I have had a dream that was this potent and hard to handle.
*if you are reading this and you are a psychologist, please keep your opinions to yourself. I'm sure this suggests a really wacky psyche...but we already knew that.* :0)
OK. So, that is creepy...but why share it? I have three reasons.
1. Ephesians 6:12 - "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood..." Thanks to the Enlightenment and the culture of modern America, you get looked at funny to say that you think there is spiritual warfare. OK, then look at me funny! I have spent the last 2 weeks or so really working to focus in on my relationship with God and with my family in a way that I don't think I ever have. The number of things that have gone wrong or been off during this time has not just been a few. So, I remind myself of Eph. 6:12 but I don't stop there. I remind myself even more of Eph 6:13-18. Verse 12 isn't meant to scare us. It is simple a reality check and verses 13 and following are meant to remind and encourage us of the tools that we have to fight back. Praise God!
2. As I finally got out of the fuzziness of my mind and was awakened to reality, I began to reflect. I am grateful for the life that God has given me. There are many things that I regret and many things that I would change if I could...and yet I am the sum whole of all of the experiences of my life. Both good and bad. Ones that God intended for me and ones that I did that he didn't intend for me. They make me who I am. (This is not license to sin. It is a reality check and no more.) So, I reminded myself that even if the dream had been real (which it felt completely real) Christ still would have died on the cross. So, my reminder was that A) when Christ died, ALL of my sins were future sins and B) there is no sin that is greater than the cross of Jesus Christ! Praise God!
3. This event also caused me to remember that I need to run to Christ so much more than I do. When I woke up the last time I was praying within minutes. Praying that this dream wouldn't ruin my day or control my day. I've had a few dreams in the last few years that were hard to emotionally snap out of and makes for a hard *read "terrible* day for my family. I didn't want that. The lesson, though, was simply that in the big things and in the little things I ought to be running to prayer, running to the Bible, and remembering that since God is outside of time, he knew I'd have this dream before I had it and he caused (or allowed) it. So, how am I going to pursue him more because of it instead of letting it create a wedge between us or between me and the people around me!
To God be the glory!
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